Darkest secret
by Sesshylovers
Summary: A war is coming, the fragile peace is broken. All comes crashing down and searches desperately for the only thing the warden left behind. Which side will find the secret? Will it be too late? With the ground stained with blood come and see if the world will fall or rise. Mostly first point of view.
1. Chapter 1

Prologue

In the mist of night a cloaked person stepped from behind a huge elegant tree holding something tightly to her body. Bright eyes meet hazel and turned away.

The red haired woman starred down at her beautiful _emma'asha _for the last time. The woman kissed the sleeping baby's marked face and placed her into the arms of the waiting hazel eyed man.

"Must you go?" the man asked with a heavy accent. The only answer was her eyes filling up like a well.

"Please. . . don't tell her." The woman said and handed the _Elvhen_ man a piece of paper and a necklace. The man took it silently and held onto the woman's hands.

"Her name is Arinka Au'tari Mahariel. She was born on the day of _Fen'Harel_ the _enansal_ hour." she said pulling her cloak tighter.

"I will, but only because its you who asks." He said.

"Thank you." she said and turned and walked into the tree.

"Forever I will love you." the man whispered to the wind and turned.


	2. Chapter 2

"I thought I would drown, but its ok right now"

Chapter One- breath

With a silent and shuttering intake of breath did I pull back my arrow, my sight fully fixed on the deer grazing, I aimed and let go my breath silently as the arrow flew and spun in a graceful dance with the wind, only to sink into the flesh with a wet thud of the unaware deer.

I couldn't help the sad twist of my lips as I walked over to the dead deer. I crouched down and kissed my fingers and pressed them beside the doe. Her white fur was sodden with her bright red blood. Her brown eyes almost like my own were glassed over with death; she didn't even have time to run. I felt her pain as if it was my own. I carefully took out my arrow and set it beside me.

"Creators please bless this deer, for her life with up hold our own. May you smile upon her" I whispered softly to the warm wind. Soon, all too soon winter would be upon us. Already the leaves were changing to red, brown and the plants dying. In a few moon cycles the first snow of this year would fall.

"How did I do?" I called out as I gutted and skinned the doe.

"You did ok" Dorf'Fen's voice carried over to me. I turned and smiled at him. Dorf'Fen was my best and only friend. Dorf'Fen was a grey wolf, I was his only pack. He was the darkest of grey with black mixed into his pelt. His silver- grey eyes always there to watch for danger. He was my protector.

I was marked by the gods by birth, both physically and in the soul. I had green golden markings running along my body, every inch. I could feel every animal's emotion, what they were doing and see through their eyes if I wanted to for more than twenty feet away from me; I could also speak with them. But the strongest animal I could communicate with was the wolf- for I was most like the wolf.

Dorf'Fen often said I acted more like a wolf then elf at times, for I didn't trust enough. The only person—wolf I needed was Dorf'Fen. Like a wolf I needed – wanted a pack. I craved the pack's warmth, to hunt with a partner. Like a wolf I didn't trust Shem – humans- at all. Most of all, our human king Alistair; I couldn't help my distrust for him.

The king goes around Frelden visiting and traveling a lot. And every time he visits my people the Dalish, we have feasts and tell stories. For the whole time he and his family is here we celebrate. And it turns out that now he is coming in two sunrises. This is the third time he has come in fourteen years. He first came to my people when the Warden died. And I was born a few months after her death.

My mind was blank, all and nothing at the same time, as I skinned and chopped up the deer to carry to my adopted mother Ashalle. If I didn't get back soon she would worry.

"Come on" I said softly to Dorf'Fen and started walking away. He came close to my legs and walked beside me. Dorf'Fen came almost to my chest, I could easily put my hands through his fur, but I know I shouldn't. I sometimes dreamed of me on him into battle or just snuggling into his fur. Sometime he would be next to me as I sleep but mostly he makes sure nothing comes into the village.

"What are you thinking about to put on such an expression?" Dorf'Fen asked in his smooth rumble

"Nothing" I said turning my face away from him. He just snorted and nudged my waist and shook his giant head. In return I picked up my pace. Too soon we were nearing the edge of the small part of the great city Aneth Ara Elvhenan; it meant my safe place of our hearts. I heisted at the edge and turned to Dorf'Fen, He was looking at the aravels scattered around the space. There were gardens full of fruit, veggies and flowers. I looked once back at the darkening forest with longing and quickly dropped a piece of the deer for Dorf'Fen.

"Sweet dreams, Arinka" He said and walked away with the piece of the deer. I sighed and slowly walked into my small part of this great city.

Most elves live in Shem like type houses. But there are small parts of the city that still have the aravels. But still I wish that we lived like my ancestors; in the forest, running like the deer, for it seems that we have thrown playing in the forest to staying in the village. Only the elves that lived in aravels believed the same thing I did.

Like my feet were heavy rocks did I walk over to a medium sized aravel that had two crescent moons facing away from each other with halla like horns in the middle with a wolf howling from behind, Ashalle had added the wolf after I was born.

I pulled back the beautiful embroidered flap of our home to see Ashalle gathering our clothes.

"Ma, I'm gonna start dinner" I said almost setting down my pack of meat, but gladly I thought better of it.

"Good" she said as she patted my face lightly "I won't take long, why don't you ask Paivel to tell you a tale?" she smiled and I couldn't help but be glad she was my adopted mother.

"Okay, be safe" I whispered to her retreating back. Ashalle had light gray and silver hair that came down to her shoulders in a soft straight wave. She also had the darkest blue eyes that I ever seen. She had lines near her eyes and mouth from laughing, but many times I had to remind myself that she wasn't always so carefree. Strange that I was given to her.

My elves liked having their hair as short as their shoulder to their ears. I couldn't stand that, I love that my hair is way past my waist. And also most elves have blond, brown, silver, red but hardly ever black hair. Also most elves have green, blue, sliver, hazel, golden or the lightest or darkest of brown.

In this small part of the city we have about three fires in the center of our village. And in the very beginning of our village where it is kind of connected to the main city is the market place.

As I came near the cooking fires I searched for Paivel's aged face. He was at the last fire cooking his family's dinner; his grand-child was playing behind him. The little boy was about three seasons old.

I quickly walked over to him and started putting deer chunks onto a few cooking tools.

"Andaran atish'an, Paivel" I said smiling.

"Andaran atish'an, Da'len" was his answer with a warm smile. When people called me da'len, which meant little child, it seemed that they were thinking of someone else.

We sat in silence for a while till his grand- child, Alyan, raised his baby arms and said;

"Wadrin swory!"

"You want a warden story? Okay Inan, a story it will be" Paivel picked him up and set him on his knees. I smiled at the nickname Inan, it meant eyes or in this case dwelled place, as he gurgled happily.

"Before our Tiaura became a grey warden she was one of us, way before we lived in this place, we lived more freely. She—"

"Can you tell us about what her life was like before she became a warden not right before she did?" I asked blushing; I really hadn't meant to be rude.

"That's okay da'len, so let's see. . . Do you know what her relationship was to our keeper Merrill?" Paivel asked softly with a smile.

"Wasn't it normal?" I asked. There was a slight breeze making the shadows of the fire glow bigger on Paivel and Alyan, my long bangs that came to my first rib flew across my face, as if it wanted to get up and run with the wind. As if I could.

"No, way before she became the warden that the legend tells of, she was a girl that got into way too much trouble. Her mother and father were star crossed lovers meeting in secret when bandits had killed her father, her mother only kept her self alright to give birth and then she went into the moonlight. So she was brought up by Ashalle.

Tiaura never knew about her parents, so when someone would bring up bandits she never got the insult. But her two best friends knew it and fought them. Her two best friends were Tamlen and Merrill—"

"Merrill?!" I couldn't help my soft gasp.

"Yes Merrill, Merrill was always there to stop them from getting into too much trouble. After the falling out of those to Tiaura became the careful one."

"Why did they stop being friends?" I cut in as he took a breath.

"Merrill knew Tiaura was in love with Tamlen, but so was she. On day when Tiaura was sick did Tamlen and Merrill snuck into our drinks. Things happened and Tiaura found out that Merrill was with Tamlen's child. Tiaura was furious"

"I would be too! How dare her!" I said turning the meat.

"Tamlen had begged forgiveness and after moon cycles of the cold shoulder did she forgive him, but she never forgave Merrill."

"Pa, eat it's soon to be bedtime" Paivel's daughter cut in walking up to him, as she did so she glared at me. Aria was only a year older than me, fifteen. Aria hated me because of my markings; she had to wait to get hers. Her vallaslin was of June, the god of crafts, Aria all but dragged her father Paivel away.

I just sat their turning the meat, cold face, if I just keep my cold uncaring face everything will get better. It will . . . I just have to have faith in the gods and goddesses. Everything has a reason . . . I just hope it's a good one.

"It'll get better" Ashalle said coming back as I was taking the meat out of the fire. I just kept silent as I handed her a portion of the meat.

"In the morn we have to go to the market, we need warmer blankets for it's going to be the coldest winter we will have for a long time." Ashalle said as if she didn't care that it was like she was talking to a tree.

After a minute or two did I pack up the rest of the meat, I had only token a few bites of my food.

"Not this time young lady! You will finish all the food that has been laid out for you!" Ashalle said taking the pack and giving me back my food. I just stared at her with my medium brown eyes of ice, she stared right back. Slowly I ate the food; I wanted her to be happy.

Making sure I finished my food did she turn back and start walking to our aravel. That night it took me forever for me to fall asleep; I didn't want the nightmare to come back. But in the end I am weak and fell in to sleep.

The nightmare started out as any other time, I was walking out of the forest with a rabbit in my hands and my breath was coming out as white smoke. I was freezing, even though I knew what was going to happen I wished that it was something different.

In our small village was death, bodies freezing as their blood leaked out, their faces forever staying in the mask of fear. I passed the people I knew, my people that was afraid of me because of how I was born with markings.

Soon I came across the slumped form of Ashalle, she was holding onto her family's dagger, under her nails were damp blood, her clothes were torn and bloody and had mud caked to her. Her beautiful hair was out of her holdings and her dark blue eyes were open wide but were not afraid. I felt my throat close up and water fill up in my eyes.

I turned and started yelling for Dorf'Fen, but I couldn't find him. I ran and ran till I found his body lying on the frozen ground. Please this is where I wake up, please wake up! Please damn it! But it went on for the first time.

His body was lying in his own pool of blood, his mussel was open a crack, his beautiful silver eyes filmed over with death. I felt the tears fall and I was having screaming sobs that racked my chest. My chest was beating as fast as my heart, it hurt as the freezing air worked it's self into my lungs. The throat was getting raw, the tears wouldn't stop. Big puffs of cold air were by my face, I could hear the grass crunch, and I saw how Dorf'Fen's fur was getting snow on. I saw the dirty and bloody boots come.

I looked up into the eyes of Dorf'Fen's killer, a Darkspawn. I was glad that it was raising its straight sword—

I gasped and sat up, it was cold but I was in my bed, the dream was over. I wiped the tears from my face and got up out of my soft warm bed, It was still night. I just got up and slowly snuck out of our beautiful aravel with only a soft shirt that covered my blossom and short traditional bottoms for sleep, I left my shoes and bow and arrows in our aravel. My hair was unbound and flying around me as I ran into the forest, I ran and ran.

That night I ran with Dorf'Fen for hours and hours, just as the sun was coming up did we howl to the fading moon, I fell asleep next to Dorf'Fen's soft warm fur. I wouldn't worry about a thing until I awoke, and I didn't think about how worried Ashalle would be when I got back, no I just fell to the ground and snuggled into the warmth, Dorf'Fen would never leave me was the only thing I had thought as I closed my eyes.

Authors notes: I'm so proud of this, ^~^


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Two—Monster

What woke me up from a nice warm slumber was myself being shaken.

"Wake up!" A voice said, by the sound of it, she must have said it about a few times. I just cracked open an eye. She jumped away in surprise, it was Silays. The Shem called her the Dalish Gypsy, all she read was the fire. It was her sister; Neanta that had the power even though she was blind.

"Ashalle is worried sick about you, she's been rushing around looking everywhere for you!" She said.

She had the brightest green eyes and gold of hair, but it barely came to the middle of her neck. She had on a green, blue top that covered her blossom and came into a point of her belly button. Her blue, green skirt was hardly held on by her small hips. On her skirt was her mask, it was sea green with the ruins of Ghilan'nain—the mother of the halla. And her sea blue ribbon on her hips too.

"And our people say the King and his family are going to be here by midday!" She said with her hands on her hips, with that I turned around on my side and closed my eyes.

"Oh no, you are not!" She said grabbing me and pulling me to the river my people bathe in.

"You take a bath and I will tell Ashalle I have found you and I'll grab some clothes for you. The Kings coming! Oh my goddess, I can't wait to see the prince!" she said turning away and all but skipping. I shook my head, that one was a weird one.

I slowly walked to the edge of the river, and I hated what stared back at me. It was me with leaves and twigs in my hair. I hated myself, I hated my body, my eyes, my skin, everything. Bright brown eyes stared back at me with a diamond shape green – gold marking above my eyebrows, with three lines like your drawling a river on each side of it. Under my eyes were five golden dots, on my high cheek bones were two thinner and less spaced X. Under my lips were two lines going to my chin, and coming horizontal from them was a line on each side. On my collar bone had three diamond shaped marks with an almost crescent moons facing away from the mark of Fen'Harel, the dread wolf. The rest was the other gods and goddess ruins. I even had a howling wolf head of Fen'Harel on the inside on my forearm.

With a quick movement did I splash the water; I didn't want to look into the monster's eyes any longer. After that I shed my sleeping clothes and started taking a bath. Fifteen minutes later with my wavey brown- black hair sticking to me did I heard footsteps. I went into the water so it barely touched my lips. And what became known made me blush and do something I never thought I would do. A Shem, a SHEM with green eyes and red hair was staring at me. Of course I would have never looked at the royal purple of the king's family, nope I just opened my mouth and let out a scream and started grabbing river rocks.

"Ouch! Stop!" he yelled as I hit him with every rock. I hit him with almost ten rocks before Dorf'Fen came running, and he ran right into the boy snarling. The boy started screaming.

"Are you alright?" Dorf'Fen asked me. I had stopped screaming the moment he had come. I felt my shoulders sag.

"Yes I'm fine, now that you're here Dorf'Fen" I said softly.

"Why are you talking to a _damned wolf?!_ Are you insane?" The Shem said as Dorf'Fen snapped his teeth near the boy's face.

"Leave" I said as Dorf'Fen got up off the boy. The boy ran like he was on fire. Dorf'Fen sat right there and started guarding me, I smiled. Not long after did Silays come walking to the river. She shrieked when she saw Dorf'Fen.

"Hurry up" she said and threw the clothes and ran away. I slowly walked over to the river bank.

"I don't like her" Dorf'Fen said looking to the spot of forest that she ran into.

"I don't either" I said getting dressed into a dark green shirt that covered to my elbows and a skirt that held tightly into my hips, I went shoeless, now that I think about it I really don't like shoes. I walked quickly into the village and into our aravel. Ashalle was sitting down writing something.

"There you are! You have no clue how worried I was! By the gods you have to stop doing that!" Ashalle said hugging me tightly. I let her and took comfort from her warmth and the scent of her; it was like a river of soft smelling flowers. She stepped back and shook her head.

"You are not wearing that to meet the king" Ashalle said softly and started going in a dark brown chest of a willow tree. I was never allowed to go near it; it held very private and important things from Ashalle's past.

"Here this was your mother's" Ashalle said turning around she was holding some clothes and a necklace on top. The necklace had wooden beads of animals, and in the middle was a pendent of a full moon. She went to take off the necklace I already had on but I quickly held tightly to the necklace. Dorf'Fen had killed the closet thing he had to a pack to save me; it was a plain necklace with the wolf's tooth hanging from the light grey chain.

"Why do you wear that?" She asked softly looking at me. I just kept silent as she put the pendent of my mother's around my neck over the one Dorf'Fen gave me. She sighed and handed me the other clothes.

"I will be right back, I am going to get a brush" She said and left. I sighed softly and unfolded the clothes. The whole thing was made of bearskin and it had different shades of red interwoven in it. The shirt hardly had sleeves, they left my shoulders bare and my forearms bare, it hardly held onto my upper bicep. The top had a few bells on it, and it barely covered my blossom, and it stopped an inch or two below my blossom. My mother was bigger than some but I was bigger than her it seemed. The skirt, well, I had to change the straps for I had bigger hips than her and butt. I sighed again as I tied it back up, it had lots of bells all over the hem and hips. It went into the middle of my thighs.

With an almost silent swoosh did Ashalle come back into the aravel carrying a few hair pieces and the brush.

"Oh, Da'len! You look so beautiful." Taking in the tears and that faraway look I knew she was seeing her previous adopted daughter- my mother. Many people gave me that look, even out of our small part of the city. I had stopped trying to be this great hunter that they say she was, for that is the only thing they tell me about her.

Some small part of me is glad that they see _her_ instead of me, I didn't want them to see the monster I am. People sometimes call out monster and cursed one, but only a few will do anything about me. Absentmindedly did I stroke one of my hidden scars, I still remembered how that knife cut into me, the fire, the man. I shook my head quickly and let Ashalle see _her_, for I don't want my only mother to see me as a monster.

"I don't understand you at all . . ." Ashalle whispered softly as she brushed my hair out. I just kept my mouth shut. After sometime did she open her mouth again, and I didn't like what was said.

"Why don't we cover the other marks but the ones on your face, that way today you can be normal" Ashalle said softly. I scowled, but she was facing away from me. I just got up quickly and stormed away, _how dare the only one that thought them beautiful want them to be gone!_

With my small blood red cloths in my hand did I run to the Elgar' Adahl, the spirit tree, which was one of the only places that I felt safe. I plopped down quickly in the shade of the tree and held back the tears; I will never shed tears in the daylight. My filling eyes looked at the small river that was beside the huge tree. The tree was here for over a thousand years.

I closed my eyes and let myself feel the emotions of the animals around me; I could feel the bunching of the muscles to jump from tree to tree, the feel of Dorf'Fen walking over to me, his worry. A bunny was hiding from Dorf'Fen in the tree with a squirrel. Dorf'Fen just put his head on my lap. I knew his silver eyes were watching me with worry.

"Everything is fine" I sighed.

"Then why do you smell of salt?" He answered.

"I do not" I said.

"My nose does not lie"

"The king will be here soon"

"So, we do don't answer to anyone. Only to our Gods" Dorf'Fen said. I smiled, I could always count on him to cheer me up.

Authors Notes: Till next time, and sorry that it's only four pages long! Thanks:

melgonzo


	4. Chapter 4

"**Make a move; make a move, just my realty check if there's a weak spot" **

Chapter Four— Fight!

I had no clue how long I took comfort in Dorf'Fen, but after some time he decide to speak again.

"What happened?"

"Nothing" I quickly answered.

"Denying things will get you nowhere"

"I'm no denying anything!" I snapped. He snorted.

"If that was true you wouldn't be so agitated. What did Ashalle say to you?"

"How do you know it was Ashalle?"

"She was the last scent on you besides the scent of your mother's clothes… She is not you; Ashalle shouldn't have forced you to wear that." Dorf'Fen rumbled looking up at me with those knowing eyes of his. He knew me too well.

"She didn't force me to wear it . . ." I trailed off.

"Oh really, you need to stop comparing yourself to this mother you know nothing about!" He growled.

"It doesn't matter!" I hissed, as Dorf'Fen went to reply we heard singing.

"Dirth era astisha Elvhenan!" came my people's voices. (Tell the tale of peace and open our hearts)

"I'll see you later" I said softly and started to jog into the village. Ashalle once told me that the king came to this part of the village because this was the clan the warden was from. There for he came to respect the warden's death. The royal horns blared in the distance, they had just gotten here.

Everyone was near the entrance at the sides so the king and his family could greet our keeper Merrill, Zeke was behind her with his bondmate by his side.

"Ah, Andaran atish'an King Alistair and his family" Merrill said standing straight and tall, she didn't waver a bit as the king looked her straight in her dark green eyes. I had to bite my lip as I saw _**the Shem**_ standing beside the king, it was his son! I was doomed!

"Greetings keeper Merrill" The king said as people started spreading out, the music, dancing, and storytelling was to start very soon. Now I wished that I had stayed with Dorf'Fen. I was about to inch away when Ashalle grabbed my wrist.

"Oh no, you won't! This is the very first time you have seen the king and his family, you will be staying and not running off with that mangy mutt."

"He is not a mangy mutt" I hissed at Ashalle and glared my deadliest glare at her; it was the first time I had ever snapped at her, let alone glared. I ripped my wrist out of her grasp and walked away from her.

I knew I was going to regret snapping at her but I just kept putting my foot in front of the other. The king looked to be almost thirty years old; he had blue- brown eyes and the brightest brown hair ever. His wife looked to be in her mid-twenties and she had the palest skin ever, she also had blonde hair that was almost white and she had green eyes.

They had two kids, a daughter of seventeen, she had dark blonde hair and brown eyes and she was a tad tanner then her mother, she was also looking for a husband—or more like her parents were looking for her mate. Their son looked to be sixteen, red hair, green eyes and freckles. He had tan skin that most people envied. He was good looking for a Shem. I shook my head and glared at him, just a brief glare/glance only to find him smiling at me. I took a quick step backwards, and he started walking towards me. Now would be a great time to disappear!

I quickly walked away, but he jogged up to me with a guard behind him. I was going to jail or killed for hitting the prince with river stones!

"Hey" He said softly and grabbed my wrist before I could bolt, the other elves were looking at me with the most hate and snickers, and some covered their mouths with shock.

"Get off me, now!" I snarled at him and glared at him, he just smirked.

"I would like to know your name" He said nicely. I just tried to yank my arm away, it didn't work.

"This is Arinka, my adopted daughter" Ashalle said smiling at the prince.

"Emma shem'nan" I said. (My revenge is swift)

"How dare you say that to the Prince?!" Ashalle gasped.

"Come on" He said pulling me away, I guess today was just a bad day for me or something. Maybe he just wanted to get back at me for hitting him. So I pulled away from him. He raised an eyebrow; I guessed no one ever told him no.

"So this is how you act, I only came over to say I'm sorry. And now _you_ need to give me your apology."

"By Fen'Harel, no" I said, if my voice or looks could kill he would defiantly be dead.

"Oh really and why not? You think you're too good to say sorry" He said with a small smirk on his lips. He was _enjoying _this. What in the veil was wrong with him?

"To a Shem. . . Yes, yes I am way better than you." I said, I let all my hate of the human kind in the word Shem, most elves don't use that word, let alone use it as a racial slag like I.

"Hmm you want a bet that I am way better than you?" The Prince declared.

"Yes, we'll duel" I said crossing my arms. I knew I didn't look threating in these beautiful clothes, but I knew I just had to beat this Shem. The wind was gently pulling on both our hair, mine was showing my natural copper streaks, and his bright red hair falling across his handsome face.

"When?" He said confidently.

"When the moon is at its highest in the sky." I said equally confident.

"See you then, marked elf" he said, his bright green eyes dancing with amusement, he really thought he would beat me. As he said that did a big brown war dog come to his side, the dog came almost past his hips and he was wagging his tail like crazy.

"Oh no, oh no you will not! I will not let you duel the Prince. What in the veil do you think you are doing?!" Ashalle said, all but screeching it. All the other elves left as soon as she spoke. I just looked in her eyes, letting her see that whatever she said wasn't going to change my mind. I started walking over to our aravel when she grabbed my wrist and yanked me over to face her.

"I said no!" She said as her hand came up, what happened next surprised not only me but her. Her hand came down faster than lighting and came across my face. It felt like someone hit me in the face with a hand full of ice. As my face turned with the impact I gasp. She never ever hit me!

"By The Creators, Arinka I'm so sorry" she cried as I kept my head down. Damn she really had nails! I looked up slowly to her aged face and spit a glob of blood at her feet, and ran my tongue across my cut lip, her nails were always sharp but I never thought they would open skin.

I just walked past her, I would never ever let her see my pain, and never let anyone see how much that hurt emotionally or physically. I was never going to open myself up to that pain again. I felt the anger boil in my stomach making me want to go over to her and hit her back.

I reached our aravel quickly and went to the back where her two twin swords laid. She never wanted me to have my own because she was afraid for some reason. The war dog walked beside me as I walked into the forest, Dorf'Fen was at the edge of it. Dorf'Fen stayed quite but kept glancing at my face and the war dog. Dorf'Fen was bigger than the war dog.

I held tightly to her twin swords, their names were Dorf'Eluvian and Enansal, Grey mirror and Blessing. They were very beautiful and graceful but my hands were bigger and thinner than Ashalle's. These were not made to fit me at all, so I would have a big disadvantage in the fight.

I walked with sure steps to Elgar 'Adahl (spirit tree) but my mind was elsewhere, I always fought with a bow, well really that was not mine either—it was Ashalle's, I only picked up a dagger that one time. I shook my head quickly; I didn't want to remember the man, the fire, and his words. This was not the time at all to be thinking about that.

"Yes Dorf'Fen I got slapped by Ashalle" I said coldly as he once again glanced at my face.

"Why?" he asked slowly.

"I am to fight the Prince when the moon is at the highest tonight." I said softly, we were nearing the Elgar 'Adahl, I always found comfort in the old tree's bark and flowers.

"Well you need a lot of practice." Was his answer, I nodded and set down Dorf'Eluvian and Enansal on a near branch of Elgar 'Adahl and walked over to the war dog.

"What's your name?" I asked him as I went down to his eye level, which wasn't much.

"Tiaura called me Cole" he barked with a goofy smile. I blinked with shock, not only once he was the warden's war dog but he was still growing into adulthood.

"Cole" I said softly, he snorted with laughter.

"What?" I asked raising an eyebrow.

"Tiaura had the same accent."

"I do **not** have an accent!"

"From humans, yes you sound nothing like them" he said and licked me on the face.

"I will never ever sound like a Shem" I said and went into the middle of Elgar 'Adahl's clearing and starting doing the moon salutations. Most elves start with the sun, but my favorite was the moon salutations.

I took a deep breath and brought my hands to my chest in a slow motion and put my arms up like I was to cup the moon in my arms and went to the right and took deep breaths feeling my muscles stretching, I did the same on the left side. The next I never liked, I squatted down and held out my arms, as if to receive a blessing from the moon. With a fluid motion I went to the left, as if I was to kneel before someone and leaned into it, everything was becoming loose, ready to do anything. I did the same on the right side. Once again I did what I did in the beginning.

Next, with only the trees, grass, sun, and my animal friends at my side did lean my body back the farthest that it could and put my hands in the grass. I stood up smiled, time to practice.  
"I don't need to know every little thing, all I need to do is win" I told Dorf'Fen as I picked up Dorf'Eluvian and Enansal, to me it was awkward to be holding them but that didn't matter, I just held tightly to them.

And so that afternoon on and off I was told how I should swing, where to place my feet, how to put less or more power into the motion with a flick. I could have kept going but after lots of time did Dorf'Fen order me to stop, so with sweat dripping down my face did I plop down and hold my hair up.

"If I had my own it'd me easier" I said scowling.

"You will one day, for now rest. We have two hours before your fight" Dorf'Fen said shaking his head.

"You know I'll win" I said with a small laugh.

"Only because you don't fight fair" Dorf'Fen said, if he was one to roll his eyes, or could he would have.

"Of course not, after years of running away and fighting people who wanted to kill me you learn those things" I said closing my eyes.

"You don't know anything yet" Dorf'Fen said, in return I threw a rock at him. I needed some kind of confidence to help me win, but the little I had was semi crushed. I just had to win this fight I knew it deep in my soul, no matter what.

"Cole . . . what was the warden like?" I asked softly.

"She was strong and she cared a lot about things. She loved Alistair too. . . It took her awhile to let him in, she really hated humans. She was really great . . . and I really miss her." Cole said softly.

"You know what sucks" I said softly.

"What?" Dorf'Fen asked by the river.

"I know more about the warden then my own mother"

"One day to will know more about her"

"I hope . . ." I barely said and let my thoughts drift. What if I could never be like her? What if she did something very wrong and I was just a mistake and a punishment for what she did? What if I was never meant to be here? What if the marks really were a curse to the world . . . I already knew that I'm a monster but I don't want to let it sink in that I'm cursed.

"Wake me up when it's time to go" I said and let go of my hair. All I met was silence, I hated silence. I gladly went into a blank and light sleep, and I really needed it too. As if I just shut my eyes I hear Dorf'Fen spoke.

"It's time" was the only thing he said. I sighed and rubbed my eyes; I quickly got up but had to steady myself.

"I'm ready" I said getting my balance and walked over to the river and splashed my face with the cold water.

"Do you want me to come?" Dorf'Fen asked as I dried my face with my shoulder.

"The people will be scared of you more" I said walking away.

"Fine, I'll be staying at the edge like usual" he said bitterly.

"Do you really want to come?" I asked softly.

"I was going to follow you anyway" Dorf'Fen said as Cole caught up with me. I smiled softly and shook my head, what would I be without Dorf'Fen?

With them on my heels I walk into the far left side of the village. There he stood with the moonlight shining on his bare skin. I felt myself blush up a storm, he was shirtless. I never was put into this situation so I just fought my blush.

"It's time" I said holding on to the twin, slender swords.

"Ah this is going to really easy" He said rolling his shoulders and holding lightly to his big broad sword. I shook my head and spread my feet where I could have the best balance.

"Ha you don't even have the right stance"

"Are you just going to be standing there like a fool or get ready to fight?" I asked, Dorf'Fen snarled in agreement.

"Fine be ready to be in the dirt" He said and moved forward. Instead of blocking his big sword I dodged to the left and kicked him in the calf. He surprisingly stood form.

"Is that all you can do?" he asked. With a deep breath did I rush at him but at the last second turned to the other side and swung the blades at his feet, I put it on the dull side as I did so. I didn't want him to be missing a foot. He went stumbling to the right.

I smirked as he turned towards me. He shook his head and faked going to the left and ran straight at me. As he did so I dropped my body and slid right between his running legs and took stance behind him.

"Done yet?" I asked softly.

"Not yet" he said and quickly swung at me. It cut the side of my skirt. I snarled at him in return and threw dirt at him and kicked him in the jewels. He went to the floor like a sack of flour.

"Oh my Maker you kicked me!" the Shem wheezed from the ground. I set down the swords and bent and put my hand under his chin.

"You ripped the only clothes of my mother" I growled.

"Hmm" he said looking at me. The moon was hitting his face just right and it lite up his green eyes like lights. He for a Shem was handsome.

"You're staring" He said softly. I felt myself blush and I let go of him like he was on fire. I picked up the swords and all but ran with Dorf'Fen to my aravel. I should not be having these thoughts!

Authors Notes: Yay! It's seven pages long, yay! :D

Csorciere- Thanks, you'll know soon. Till then.


	5. Chapter 5

"**I can feel the animal inside; my resolve is weakening, pounding at the doors of my mind"**

Chapter five 

The nightmare came again, but with Ama'syl's words ringing in my ears. I felt bad now about hurting her, and that wasn't because she was a part of my nightmare. The nightmare ended more quickly than all the other times, it stopped when I was walking in to the clearing to Dorf'Fen's body. But a new nightmare took its place.

Monsters, tree spirits, water spirits, mutated animals, demons, Shems, elves, Durgen'len and demons of all types, there was also giants carrying catapults, war horses, these half snake half something else. There were also dragons with riders and much more, but the worst was the darkspawn. I couldn't hold back my scream, this dream was different. I knew the feeling wasn't a dream, I was seeing through the eyes of all the animals running away.

"What's wrong?" Dorf'Fen asked me as the mabari moved his body into my side.

"We have to prepare for war" I said getting up.

"War?"

"Great evil is on the horizon, I could feel this horrid evil . . . as if hell was to rain on the earth." I said and started running. I ran as fast as I could and in a few scant minutes the small part of the city came into my view. My heart was pounding in fear; this evil could not taint my home. I needed to find Merrill.

"Harshal!" I called out, for he was the nearest clan member. I couldn't help the panic in my voice.

"What? Calm down" he said in a soothing voice.

"I need Merrill" I puffed out.

"She left a while ago . . . what's going on?" was his answer. I fell to my knees; the clan was going to fall like Arlathan.

"Elgar'nan, Mythal, Falon'Din, Dirthamen, Andruil, Fen'Harel and all the creators save us from this in depending evil. Mythal protect us, Elgar'nan wreck vengeance as this slaughter comes, Falon'Din take out the dead with ease and without pain, Andruil help guide our arrows, Fen'Harel save my soul—"

"Why are you praying, what is—"he's voice cut off as their front lines came into our view.

"Send out the signal" I said softly grabbing my bow and arrows from the ground. He ran like he was on fire as I took stance. Dorf'Fen and Cole let out blood chilling howls. Goosebumps ran across my body as they stopped, waiting for their commander.

In a few scant seconds our front line was beside me. Our small army only had bits and pieces of armor strapped on, their weapons in hand. Ama'syl stood beside me.

"Sorry" I said softly, her green eyes stayed trained on the enemy's.

"Apology accepted" she said with a grim smile.

"May the gods protect you" I said softly.

"You to, Lethallan" she answered.

"We are the last of the Elvhenan and we will not submit!" was called out with Ar tu na'lin emma mi rang out after it. (I will see your blood on my blade)

My breath caught in my throat as their war commander raised his sword and these fire dogs came running at us. As if my arms weren't connected to my body they kept shooting and shooting at them, I could feel their pain. Thank the creators that I could block out their pain. I could hear my clan mate's cries as arrows fell from the sky.

Next came the others, and as I shot my brain took in every face that I hit. Before I knew it our front line was getting pushed back, screams were everywhere—but they mostly were my people's voices crying out. I soon lost sight of Ama'syl, Dorf'Fen and Cole.

I was getting backed up to one of the aravels, surrounded by three enemies when I heard the cry that made my heart stop.

"The King and Queen are dead! The prince and princess are hit! Move in!" I quickly ducked away from the enemies in front of me as they let out a small cheer.

My body had lots of scrapes and bruises and lots of cuts when their swords broke through my guard. My bare feet were soaked with blood from the soft grass, my breaths were going out in pants, and soft white vapors marked each breath. My mother's clothing had so many rips that it would be falling off soon, my hair often got in my face as the wind kept picking up. The sun was beating down on my showing skin, the battle started when dawn first kissed the ground.

I was limping away when a blast of nearby mage shot lighting. Of course with my luck I got caught up with it. I screamed as my body flew, the lighting kissed my skin with painful bites as I fell from the air. Everything came into perfect view; my bleeding fingers my cut up legs, my hair shifting around me- as if it wanted to protect me. And as I was about to hit the bloody dirt I saw one of the half snake things, and the word came to me of what they were; lamiae. They were the offspring of Lamia—a child eating woman that got cursed with a snakes tale and messed up face. Come up behind Dorf'Fen. I couldn't scream a warning for my body hit the ground. Pain was everywhere. There were red and black dots swimming over my eyes, my head was spinning. My heart was beating in my throat as a solider walked towards me, snapping my bow- my only weapon. It let out a dull splintering sound and broke in half.

I looked up at her face; her face was of an eleven year old. She was a _Jengu, _a water spirit that had long fingers and sharp teeth, she opened her pale blue mouth and the most beautiful song breathed into my eardrums. Another problem was that if you listened to their voice they would make you choke. As my throat started closing up a glint of a curved sword flew down and they young girls head fell off. Her blonde hair was now stained with her own blood.

Ashalle stood in the young girls place and grabbed me. For a frail old woman she was strong, she held my weight easily.

"Try to walk" she said softly. I still had what the healers call tunnel vision. I didn't respond.

"Vir sulahn'nehn vir dirthera vir samahl la numin vir lath sa'vunin" she sang softly in my ears. (We sing rejoice we tell the tales we laugh and cry we love one more day) of course walking along with an injured elf would be safe, of course an arrow wouldn't hit her in the chest with a soft thunk, of course she wouldn't crumble to the ground with me in tow. Tears fell from my eyes as I starred at the dead body of Ashalle at my side, her life blood pooling around me.

"Ashalle. . . You can't be dead. .. Ashalle wake up, wake up, WAKE UP" I said as I started shaking her, but I saw enough dead animals to know the look of death. Her dark blue eyes quickly glazed over with death, her mouth parted in her last breath.

I let out a howl and grabbed her swords.

"Falon'Din pass her on with care, Elgar'nan help me avenge her death." I say softly and not caring for my own wounds and ran into battle. I started off with the person that shot the arrow. The soldier quickly threw down his bow and grabbed his huge sword that was on his hip.

My arms shook and pain flared up as I took the blow by blocking. He all but knocked me off my feet. My instincts took over, all I saw was red, unknown to me I was baring my slightly sharp fangs in a snarl; my skin was warm as I fought, unbeknownst to me my shirt had fallen off only leaving the contraption that people called bras.

I ran at his sides, going for the stomach, hips, ankles, calves. I attacked in frenzy, like a starving rabid wolf, mind crazy with grief. I was not aware of time or wounds, all my thoughts were on killing this soldier. I waited until he tired a little bit when he made the slip, he was in all fighting against his own body weight, and I hit him in the back of the heel. He went down quickly onto the blood stained ground. I shoved one of the swords through one of the plates of his armor, it slid up and past his ribs and into the heart. I slid the stained sword out and stumbled. The blood started pout out slowly and picked up a little speed.

I was about to close my eyes when a howl sounded from a distance. Suddenly the world came back into my view and my heart for the millionth time came into my throat. The howl was of Dorf'Fen.

My body ran and ran; some part of me knew that I was yelling his name. I had to get to him- I could not lose another one of my beloved. My brother, my packmate, my wolf. Everything around me was slowing down, everything was becoming detailed. This should have made a warning go off in my brain but nnnoooo.

Dorf'Fen's silver grey eyes were wild with panic when he saw me, he's teeth as white as newly fallen snow glinted as twilight engulfed the world. He started howling louder when he saw me, he's speech pattern was jumbled as a solider tried choking him. I chucked Enansal into the solider when pain hit me in the back of my head. All I saw was the sky darkening, the stars dimming and then everything went black.

**Authors Notes: this is 1,663 words long *facepalm***

**Thanks:**

**csorciere**


	6. Chapter 6

"_**I know now you're my only hope"**_

Chapter Six

Pain, pain in my shoulders, my hips, my legs, my hands and my mouth was so _dry_. I was so thirsty. That is what woke me up. My mind swam and I barely moved when pain shot through me. I couldn't help my groan.

My vision was all blurry and everything was moving, and my thoughts and emotions were so slow. What was happening? I tried to blink the blurriness away but it wouldn't leave. I kept my eyes open but it was like I was seeing through water.

"It's the drugs, they'll wear off soon." a soft voice croaked from the left side of me. The person sounded old, a hahren (elder).

I tried to speak but all that came out was another groan, so I just put my forehead on my knee. Even though my body was hurting and I had no clue where the hell I was so I started receding into my memories.

_The memory of the scent of Magnolia blossoms made me want to smile. It smelled rich and sweet. It almost smelled like cherries with an undertone of vanilla. A memory popped up into my mind at the scent. The memory painted it's self quickly in my mind. _

_Dorf'Fen was holding me by my shirt, I was only about five. We were in a beautiful clearing with soft green grass and flowers were slowly falling from the trees and tulips were blossoming. Dorf'Fen threw me up in the air and I laughed and laughed, he did it again and again until I was breathless. I remembered the sky being so blue. _

_The spring breeze blended all the scents together and it was so calm. Dorf'Fen had lain down beside me in the flowers and we started finding pictures in the sky. Running rabbits turned into cliffs, hallas turned into funny faces. The sun smiled on us. I forget how long we just laid their and then a beautiful Magnolia landed on my nose. _

_It was pure white with dark pink in the center and then it became soft pink. I had giggled and asked Dorf'Fen what it symbolized. He said it meant sweetness and nobility. I put it in my hair and wouldn't take it out for days and when it wilted I pouted and Dorf'Fen promised me that next spring there would be more._

Every spring I put Magnolia blossoms in my hair. Dorf'Fen would always look like he was smiling when I had them in my hair. But wolves couldn't smile. . .

The quick stop of whatever I was on brought me back into the real world. I could see again and wished that I couldn't. I was on a large wagon, there was fifty some elves packed onto this wagon with our wrists chained together and then the chain was looped through one of the panels of the wagon. And there were many wagons behind the one I was on.

Everyone was stripped to their under garments, only a few managed to hold onto something like a necklace or bracelet. The ribbons that Dorf'Fen gave me were gone from my hair and surprising my necklace with the tooth was still around my neck. I wanted to hold onto my necklace but my hands were chained behind my back.

"Don't move around too much or you'll re-open your wounds" the hahren told me. I moved my head slowly to look at the woman. She was short even in elvhen terms, her hair was short, it didn't even reach her ears, and she looked like she was over sixty years old. Her black eyes were sunken into her face. Her vallaslin was of Sylaise; the hearth keeper. All healers were the daughters or sons of Sylaise or had some part of her in them.

I nodded and put my head on my knees again. I tried to feel the animals around me and found with fear that I couldn't connect with them. I could feel them but I couldn't speak to them and it felt like they were miles and miles away. I tried and tried until I couldn't keep my eyes open.

The next day they threw pieces of bread in front of everyone on the wagon. I starred at my piece of bread with hunger and wondered how I was to eat it when I couldn't use my hands. I watched the Hahren lean down and pick it up with her mouth. I scowled at the guards, how they dare to think we were such animals! But as I looked around that's exactly how we looked; caged animals. I turned my face away; I would not disgrace myself that way.

I kept glancing at the bread and my stomach growled at me. Soon my glances turned into a stare.

"You should eat that soon, the elf beside you is going to take it. And it's going to rain very soon" the hahren said. I quickly looked at the other elf beside me and realized that he was looking at it like he hadn't eaten for a long while. I thought for a second of letting him take it but my stomach cried out to me more fiercely so I ducked down quickly and ate it. It fell into my stomach with a loud thunk and it hurt, it made my mouth even drier.

"How long have I been here?" I croaked.

"About three days." she said as she closed her eyes. Three days I have been chained, three days since the battle.

"Where you anywhere near the battle?" I asked looking at the darkening sky.

"No, my tribe was taken first. My tribe was about five leagues away from the city." She said and turned her old frail body away. I closed my eyes and put my head on my knees again.

Like the elder said it started to rain and rain and rain. At least I got some water but it didn't help that it was winter. I fell asleep cold, wet and hurting.

The next day was the same but this time I could tell there was something in the bread, the bread had a tang to it and it felt like it was even harder to feel the animals around me. I grew panicky and told myself that I would not eat the bread tomorrow, but the other more rational part of my brain told me that I needed to do whatever I could to stay alive.

Soon the day turned into weeks and on the second week I broke down and started eating the bread. Before long I couldn't even feel the animals, that night I cried and cried. I was utterly alone. I never ever felt so alone before. On the third week the hahren passed in her sleep, the guards threw her body over the side of the wagon. I felt sadness for her passing and that night I whispered softly the song of Uthenera (the waking sleep)

"Hahren Na melana sahlin (Elder your time is come)

Emma ir abelas (now I am filled with sorrow)

Souver'inan isala hamin (weary eyes need resting)

Vhenan him dor'felas (heart has become grey and slow)

In uthenera Na revas (in waking sleep is freedom)

Vir sulahn'nehn (we sing, rejoice)

Vir dirthera (we tell the tales)

Vir samahl la numin (we laugh and cry)

Vir lath sa'vunin (we love one more day)" I spoke to the still night. After her death everything blended together and everything was so cold. Before I knew it started snowing.

After it started snowing lots of my people start dying. And everything was so, so cold. My hands and feet were reddish pink. After a few days or was it weeks? A huge city with soldiers camped outside came in my view.

"The city of Din' Elgar (dead spirit)." The man said beside me.

"That means were near Alamar. Were over three thousand miles away!" I said softly.

"May the creators have mercy on our souls." The man said beside me. I curled up on myself and watched Din 'Elgar come closer.

**Authors Notes: Can you guess what song was used? :D**

**Thanks:**

**csorciere**


	7. Chapter 7

"**Monster how should I feel, creatures lie here"**

Chapter Seven

Fear gnawed at me as the long trail of wagons slowly made its way past the soldier's camps. I wanted to hide from their cruel smiles and looks. The city had huge stone walls laced with lyrium; soon we passed a tall imposing gate with spikes all around it.

What I first saw besides all these humans, demons and dwarves, soldiers milling around was huge weapon shops, and then other resources needed in war. The whole ground was paved with marble. It was beautiful with snow lightly dusting the marble, but I felt even more trapped than I was already. There were no trees, grass or anything in here.

There was lots of shouting and I couldn't make out what they were saying at all. I wanted to go back to my memories but I was too aware to what was happening around me. Soon we passed over a bridge with a river roaring under it.

We slowed down when we got to the middle of the large city. There was a large statue holding its hands out with a large sword in his hand and a shield in the other. He had horns stick out from his head and a tail. He reminded me a bit of what Paivel called a desire demon. There was a large platform in front of it and many soldiers were around it with hands on their swords.

They started taking out the people on the wagon in front of my wagon. They pulled them by their chains and brought them to the solider that looked in charge of tracking us. I watched as he inspected them and then cut their palm and put their blood on a scroll. They started separating us into groups.

I tried bracing myself into the wagon when we had to go, but by then I had lost about all my strength. Soon I was dragged with the rest. When we were about half way up the platform the man behind me started acting up. The soldiers killed him on the spot and threw him from the platform. Some people down there picked up his body and set it on fire. I flinched- elves never wanted to be burnt. I kept my head down and shuffled forward.

Soon it was my turn. They made me turn around and it made me seem like their cattle. One reached out to touch my hair; I pulled away quickly and ended up getting slapped. I bared my teeth at the soldier.

"_Ma halam felas_!" (You're end will be slow) I spit at him. He looked confused but he could tell that I was threating him. The one beside him laughed and thwacked him on the back. I scowled at these people.

"Enough, wipe the dirt off her face and shoulders so I can send her to the right place." The one in charge ordered. The one who thwacked the other on the back brought a wet, freezing cloth to my face as the other held me in place. It felt like I was going to die of the cold after he wiped away the dirt from my face and shoulders.

"With the other Potentials." The man said and grabbed my hand and slashed it quickly. I didn't want them to have my blood or anything that belonged to me but I watched the blood drip from my pinkish reddish hands and drop with a small splat on the scroll. They now could track me all the way to the Beyond and back.

I was pushed with other _Elvhen_ who had more _Vallaslin_ (blood writing) than the others or some that looked different than the others. The guard quickly tied my chain with the main one that held all of us together.

I had thought that after the Dalish Warden ended the Blight that all these things about looking down on my people were over or that slavery was gone. Foolish I, the little teensy bit of respect of _shemlens _was gone. They all deserved to die. They were going to pay for attacking us, may the Creator's curse their souls.

I watched as a small slip of a fifteen year old girl started crying. Her older sister just held her tightly.

"_Vir Adahlen, da'len. Elgar'nan Then Elvhen."_ I say softly. (Together we are stronger than the one, little child. Elgar'nan watches for our People.) The girl- barely a woman- looks up at me with tears and nods at me. The older sister gave me a look of hope as the younger one sniffed and wiped her tears away. My problem was that I wanted to be _Mamae _(mother) to anyone younger than me or that looked vulnerable, even though I don't show it to anyone.

"W-What will they do to us?" The younger asked with huge hazel eyes looking up at me with fear.

"I would presume that they are going to take us somewhere to hold us. Other than that all I can say is have hope. Remember _da'len_ we will never submit to the _shemlens _even if our bodies fail us our faith and soul with not." I said gravely. She nodded and straightens her shoulders a bit.

After some time, it could have been minutes or hours, the dirty _shemlen _guards started leading us elsewhere. I must admit that my mind was not with my body- I was seeing and not. Small flakes of snow fell softly from the stormy sky and landed on my shoulders.

Soon we were thrown into a cage like thing- a cell you would call it if it was inside a building. I eyed the polls trying to see if it would come out of the ground easily. They threw us one by one into the cage. They took off the chains around our wrists and put them on our feet, but they chained out hands in the front of us. At least I could move my hands now.

There was only ten _Elvhen_ in this cage. I got up off the ground from where one of the guards roughly pushed me and walked over to the metal polls, no elf- starving or no was going to fit through these small spaces.

I placed one hand on the poll and jumped back away from it in pain. It was infused with magic; it felt like someone threw a lightning bolt at me and then set me on fire. I cradled my hand close to my chest; I was never going to do that again.

"_El_'_Enansal_ are you alright?" the young one asked with the older sister shadowing her. I blinked at the name; it meant our blessing. I had no clue why she would call me that.

"I am fine, and you _da'len_?" I asked as they stood before me. They were shorter than me by a few inches and it looked like someone had stepped on them and then thrown dirt all over them.

"My sister and I are fine." The older one spoke with a hard face. I nodded my head and looked at each of their markings. The younger one had the mark of Sylaise wrapped around her shoulders and it spun elegantly down to her wrists. The older had the mark of June on her calf and the face.

"You are a _da'len_ yourself." The older one said watching me. She looked to be about seventeen years old. I rose to my full height and looked her in the eyes.

"I am fourteen summers, soon to be fifteen." I said and narrowed my eyes at her.

"Then you should not call her _da'len_." She said with acid in her voice.

"I will do what I want." I said and walked away from her, but I could still hear her when she told the younger one not to speak to me. I sat close to the poll as I could without getting hurt and looked at these disgusting _shem_-like houses.

That evening they gave us bread, at least I could pick it up this time. As I ate I looked up to the sky; it was going to snow hard that night. After I was done with my small piece of bread I started pacing, I needed to do whatever I could to stay warm. I did that as long as I could, which wasn't long at all. I fell exhausted to the ground and fell asleep.

That night was I was plagued with nightmares; I saw Ashalle's death over and over again, each soldier I killed. They walked round and round me and there was laughter as I tried to run away from them.

My breath was coming fast as my feet hit the cold ground but it seemed that I was running in something sticky, I was moving so slowly. Panic filled my being as I heard them yelling at me and they ran so much quicker than me, soon I was surrounded by their dead bodies. They still had arrows stuck in their bodies and soon a man, the man from that night so long ago walked out of the circle.

"How do you like it? You couldn't wait for another taste of blood could you? Huh? What a beautiful monster you are." The _shemlen_ said to me with a smile on his face.

"No! Get away!" I said as he walked closer to me I tried to run away but I didn't want to get closer to the others. They were looking on with smirks and fire in their eyes. They wanted me to join the dead; they wanted me to join _them_.

"Tsk, Tsk young one there is no use screaming." The _shemlen_ said walking closer. My body was shaking. I remember him saying those words so long ago, but it felt like it was yesterday.

"Go away, you are dead! I killed you! You are not to be here!" I yelled at him but he walked even closer.

"Ah yes you killed me with my own dagger. But not before I got you good, huh?" He said and he was close enough that I could feel his hot breath. He traced the long jagged looking scar running from the curve of my hip to the inner part of my thigh.

"I remember how you screamed as I cut you." He was grinning hugely at me "You kept yelling for your false gods to safe you as I was dragging you to that stake that I built for you. Oh how you screamed. That young face of your filled with fear as it is now." He said and it felt like I was there again.

_I had been in a clearing far from the city; I didn't want to go to market- I had said that I wanted to go pick the fruit that we were to get instead of buying them with useless gold, it was winter and we had run out of the fruit that we stored. Dorf'Fen was asleep in his den so he did not go with me and Ashalle was slow so I lost her quickly. This shemlen had grabbed me and dragged me to the clearing. He said that no one was ever going to save me and that no one would hear my screaming. In the clearing there was a stake stuck in the ground and the man had a rope and flint with him._

_There was hay all around the stake- he was going to burn me. I had struggled even more when I had saw that he was going to set me on fire. I had kicked him quickly in the only place I could have- the nuts. He had gasped and let go of me. I tried to run but he slashed me quickly and my already weak screams picked up. He had cut through my clothing and deep into my skin, and it burned a lot. He then smacked me and tied me to the stake and started setting the hay on fire._

_The flames danced around the edges and I jerked my hands as he laughed, saying that the world would be cleansed with my death. As the flames got closer to me my hands slipped free and I jumped the flames and grabbed his dagger that he had thrown into the ground. He ran at me and I pivoted myself from his kneecap and slashed wildly at him, finally I hit him were it mattered and he fell. I dragged the shemlen into the flames and ran home. _

"No, you're not here." I whispered and closed my eyes. He laughed and laughed at that and I felt him reach out to me. My arms were hurting from his strong grip.

"You will know what it will be like to die very soon, my little monster. You will see very soon," He said and I gasped and woke up.

I awoke with tears running down my face and my throat was raw, I had been screaming and gasping as I dreamt. I never wanted to think about what had happened. I brushed the snow off me and curled in on myself.

"I will never submit." I whispered softly and wiped the tears away.

**Authors Notes: five pages! Okay now you know a little bit of her past and so sorry if you found that . . . what would the word be? Unsettling? Should I warn you guys about things like this? **

**THANKS:**

**Csorciere – yup your right about the song, and the Tevinters do have something to do with this :3 **


	8. Chapter 8

"I never thought I'd feel this guilty and broken down inside livin with myself nothing but lies."

Chapter Eight 

The nightmare just kept coming and I didn't want to close my eyes. I stayed away from the rest of them. I stayed by the metal polls and saw and didn't. I lost track of time so much; all I know is that it's still winter. I'm so cold I don't think that I will ever be warm again.

One night after a nightmare I got an idea, a horrid one but an idea no less. If every night I touched the polls I would one day get immune to them, right? So for small amounts of time at night when I don't want to sleep I would touch the polls and I had almost forgotten it hurt that much.

Now I can't stop myself, I tell myself that it is so that I can become immune and then find a way out but I _crave_ the pain. It is like a relief to being caged, to being forced to be like an animal.

It was getting dark and the snow came up to my calves when a guard came and unlocked the cage, no one had the strength to rush him—and I really wanted to but I didn't have the strength to even get up. He grabbed a young woman with the marking of _Mythal_, the great protector and the wife to _Elgar'nan_. She also is a bringer of justice and motherhood. She birthed all the gods.

The women started screaming and thrashing and crying trying to get away from his grasp. Everyone here knew what he wanted from her and no one, even I, would get up to help her. I watched with sad eyes as he took her away and locked us up again. The other _Elvhen_ were crying and furious. I just turned away and flicked my fingers over the metal bars and welcomed the pain that came.

A few nights, I think, a shadowed figure started watching us at night. Every night I watched the shadowed person watch us; from the way it held itself I could tell it was one of _their_ soldiers. Each night it ventured closer and closer and none of the other _Elvhen_ noticed. All were blissfully asleep.

Many nights later it came close enough for it to talk to me.

"Why do you do that?" It had asked me. I glared up at him and threw the cold ice hard snow at this shadowed man. He dodged it easily and moved closer to me and took something out of his cloak, it was a strip of meat. I couldn't help the way that I starred at the meat and my stomach snarled.

"Be nice and I will give it to you; but you have to give me answers." He said and stood there. Did I want the meat enough to not try to attack him? No. I made up my mind and I would pretend to be nice to this scum. I nodded my head and he walked closer, but not closes enough for me to somehow attack him through the bars.

He threw the meat through the bars and crouched down to my eye level. I grabbed the meat quicker than I thought I ever could and tore into it carelessly.

"Now will you answer me? Why do you keep hurting yourself by touching the magic infused bars?" he asked as he watched me eat, the strip of meat was gone far too quick.

"That one was only to be nice, give me another or else I won't answer your question." I said hoarsely watching him. He nodded his cloaked head and threw another to me.

"It gives me relief. Like water is to a fish." I said as I ate it. He didn't say anything he just crouched there in silence for a while as I ate.

"What is your name, elf?" He asked me. I narrowed my eyes.

"I will not tell you that _shemlen_." I sneered. He looked around quickly and stood up.

"I will speak to you tomorrow eve." He said and walked away. I huffed softly and lay down to look up to the stars. I raised a hand to the stars and imaged _Mythal_ was watching over me. My hand was slender and had dirt dried to it, I had lost so much weight.

"_Mythal emma harel, Ar'nuvenin na_." I whisper softly with tears in my eyes. (Mythal I am afraid, I need you.) I tried to stay awake but in the end I am weak and the nightmare greeted me with open arms.

The next night he comes, just like he promised. I looked up at him and waited, and I didn't have to wait long at all.

"What is it like to be an elf?" He asked.

"What is it to be a dragon?" I countered and huffed softly. He turned his head slightly and chuckled.

"Okay, do you know what is going to happen to you?" he asked.

"Yes, we are going to be sold or killed if no skill is of use, no?" I asked moving closer to the bars.

"So you're not as stupid as first thought." He said and slid a slice of an apple through the bars, he handed them to me one by one.

"_Elvhen_ are a lot smarted than any _shemlen_." I sneered.

"If that was true then why are you in a cage?" He asked. I snarled at him and turned my face away.

"The Creator's will guide my people away from this and then we will tear you to pieces, very, very slowly." I said eating the last slice he had given me.

"Oh? My people believe there are three Gods; Levis the god of death and destruction, Hurvl the god of chaos, and Kveil the god of misfortune and night terrors." He said haughtily. I laughed softly as he gave me a thin strip of meat.

"That is why you have attacked my people? To create a place for your gods to walk or to create the world in the way they wanted it? Or just free labor?" I asked in between a bite and glared at him.

"You really want to know?" he asked somber, I nodded and shivered.

"Two millennia's ago when the Tevinter Imperium went against your people a deal was made with a demon, not just any demon but the second hand to Levis to defeat your people. The demon was bound to this earth to do the task that was given to him, and whenever the Elves would start to prosper He would have to be bound to earth until your people are left for nothing." He sighed and was about to continue when I spoke up.

"Why us?" I asked softly and held myself tighter.

"Your people must pay because it was _your_ gods that cut off _our_ gods from this world. Your people had destroyed so much of what were us; you took our gods away leaving us without faith. So of course we must retaliate. What is better revenge than taking the one that your gods favor? Hmmm? The demon comes when the Asun'tis, the one blessed by your gods, is born and kills it or uses it as a weapon to destroy its own kind." He takes a deep harsh breath "This time we are to destroy you all but the ones bound to us. Let's just see who _you_ are going to belong to." He said with a laugh and left.

My heart was pounding and the metallic flavor of fear didn't leave me as I backed away from the bars and tried to stop my hands for shaking. Oh _Mythal _watch over us.

**Author notes: Uh this was hard to write. Ever think that this was the cause? Eh? **


	9. Chapter 9

"**Fallin' fallin' hitting the cold ground crying with innocent eyes" **

Chapter nine

Some part of me was aware of the rain hitting me but all I could see was the guard reaching for the young girl; the one that called me _El'Enansal_, she was crying and yelling trying to get away from his greedy fingers, even her sister just cried.

"No!" she cried as he grabbed her upper arm. It was her yelling that spurred me into action. The beast inside that I haven't felt since the battle roared its head and it made me feel stronger than I was; I could feel its power and raw hatred.

No sound came from my throat as I got up onto wobbly feet but those extra meals helped me stay up, and I ran at his back. I scrabbled up his armor like climbing a tree and wrapped my slim arms around his throat. His meaty digits went to my shaking arms trying to pull them apart as I put more and more pressure. It burned to keep this up but I bit my lip and tried to hold on as he jerked his huge _shemlen _body around.

"You 'eice 'o dirt!" he yelled and knocked me into the mud. Before I could react he grabbed my ankle and threw me into the bars. He laughed as I screamed as the bars tore open my skin; it burned so much, too much. He grabbed a hand full of my hair and showed his rotting teeth.

"I think I will just take you." His foul breath waved across my face. I bite his forearm where the armor didn't protect him. He yelled and hit my shoulder into the bars again and again and again and again.

"Come on, she's not worth it. Just look she half dead anyway." A guard said and grabbed the guard that I was biting. He grunted and turned away.

My vision was turning grey and I felt like I was dying. My body slumped into the mud face first and I stayed there, only turning my head so I could breath.

"_El'Enansal_ are you alright?" the girl-woman asked and touched my back lightly but I couldn't help the way I flinched away. After a few moments she whispered _ma serannas _and turned away.

The mud was nice and cold and I knew it was bad to have it on my wounds. Slowly I got up and started using the rain like a bath. My shoulder was bleeding slowly and it looked like it was ripped open and my side looked only slightly better. With swaying feet I walked over to my spot in this cage and lay down on my back and closed my eyes.

I was not sure if I passed out because of the pain or because of fatigue but I did not care. I closed my eyes to the cold world full of snow, rain, blood and pain. I did not want to ever open them again, I did not want to feel again, I just wanted to be gone—leave this hell of the _shemlen _world. I gladly let my mind wonder into the Beyond and let my body slump ready to die. As my mind quickly faded into the Beyond I made a promise to myself.

I dreamt of a lake, the grass was alive and it had dew on it, the air smelled of huckleberries. I sat at the edge of the lake and put my ankles in the lake; it was cold to the touch and little fish kissed my feet. I sighed softly and leaned forward and looked at the fish. For a moment I couldn't comprehend that it was not my reflection that stared at me but another's.

A women of about twenty summers looked at me. Her skin was pale and not a scar touched her, her hair was as red as fire it only went a little bit past her chin. Her eyes were the color like the heart of redwood. She had purple markings of Mythal on her face. The color of the _vallaslin_ reflected how your soul was; the keepers never had to mix colors for it. She also had a _vallaslin_ on her right arm of a halla head—the heraldry of the Sabrae clan and she wore soft colored Dalish armor and had a bow strapped to her back.

"_Emm'asha."_ She spoke in a soft voice and just as she appeared she was gone.

"Wake up." The voice was cold as ice making me open my eyes quickly. I sat up slowly and looked towards the shadowed man. As I looked at the dark sky I realized I had slept the whole day away in my pain.

"What?" I croaked softly.

"Take the other end of the cloth and wrap it around your wounds. Don't let it touch the bars." He voice melted quickly to a soothing tone, as fast as if someone had blown out a candle. I grabbed the other end and slowly pulled it through the bars.

Soon I had it in my lap and I put the cloth to my nose; it had crushed elfroot on it. I gently wrapped my wounds and waited for him to speak. I didn't have to wait long.

"You shouldn't fight the guards . . . you have to keep up your strength for the golden trials." He said handing me a strip of fish. I took it and kept silent mauling over how to ask my question.

"Why are you helping me if you hate the _Elvhen_?" I asked him.

"I do not hate all . . . some I believe are good. I saw you on the battle field; you were beautiful with the sun shining on you. You made it seem like the most graceful dance on that battle field. I knew right there that no matter what I would have you—to keep you away from this greedy filth of people that would want to crush your innocence, your fire. I promise you this I will keep you alive no matter what." He said and well handing me more food. I paused in my eating when he spoke of keeping me alive.

"No one ever called me beautiful." I whispered and shook my head.

"Then they are fool, not knowing what beauty is. Promise me that you will not fight the guards and keep low until the trials."

"What are the golden trials?" I asked.

"They are where they take all the potentials and make them fight until there are two from each unit. Those will be bought from the lords and will serve them any way seen fit. The highest is our leader; Yleni, then it is one of his sons; Malachi next is Yleni's youngest Kiel. Then it is the lesser lords, only five of them are high enough to even get a potential." He informed me. After a few moments I decided to raise my head to look at him only to find him gone.

El'Enansal- our blessing

Ma serannas- thank you

Vallaslin- blood writing

Emm'asha- my girl


	10. Chapter 10

"**I kept losing, until eyes of water and flame came" **

Chapter Ten

My body was shaking with the cold as I held my arms. We were being chained again; my estimate was that we were going to start the training for the golden trials. I clenched my teeth as I followed the others like cattle.

We were pushed and herded into a clearing that had mages melting the ice off the sand. I glared as the _shemlen_ guards pushed us onto the clearing. The sand was cold and it stole the little warmth I had. A loud snap resounded in the cold clearing making me lift my head up.

A man was holding something similar to a whip and he was scowling at us like we were disgusting vermin needed to be crushed under his boot.

"JUMP!" he yelled out with a flick of his wrist and before I knew it they were doing exactly that. I stood still and crossed my arms the best I could with chains on them, only seconds later I found out why he said that when a spiked log came swinging at my feet. I barely scrambled over the thing without impaling myself on it. I was gasping by the time I made it to my feet again. The cold drove into my lungs and froze them as I forced the air out, the cold vapor accompanied by the overseer yelling jump.

Not long after the overseer had to stop because so many got impaled by the wooden spikes. I lay gasping in the cold sand with my face all but in the sand. Sweat dripped down causing me to shake more with cold as adrenaline started to wear off.

My mind only took in how strangely beautiful the sand looked with my breath bathing them. That's when a sudden thought hit me; Mythal granted me my prayer, Mythal gifted me with the shadowed man. The shadowed man that vowed to save my life. I turned my head to the stormy sky with laughter bubbling in my throat as I held my wounds. The world looked so much more beautiful with my new eyes. The laughter left my throat; it was low and it sounded like I hadn't laughed in so long.

My eyes were locked on a dark stormy cloud that looked like a flying dragon when I caught sight of blonde- silver hair. My eyes quickly took in the elegant _Elvhen _that it was connected to. By how she stood and the looks that the soldiers gave her made it known to me that she was no slave at all.

The _Elvhen_ mage walked around healing everyone's wounds, her face looked ageless, but by the look in her eyes she had seen the end of the world and back. By the time she came to me I had stopped laughing but I felt calmer than ever before.

_Everything was going to be all right_.

Her warm hands easily healed my wounds with her magic and just like that she was off to the next. On her face was a unique _vallaslin_ that I never saw before, and as she left I wondered who it was dedicated to and how come she was _free_. But soon I was up on my feet ready to jump over these death traps again. There was another with the overseer, her face was hard and cold but young; she looked only to be twenty two at most. Something told me to remember both the _Elvhen_ mage and that woman.

The training lasted well into night and surprisingly we got extra bread. That night I held tightly to myself and waited and waited for him, I didn't have to wait long.

"How are you planning to keep my alive if you are not one of the lords?" I asked as I took the food offered thought the bars.

"I have my ways." was his only answer. After a bout of silence I decided to speak up again.

"What are your family's view of this if they knew about it?" I asked. After long moments of silence he spoke.

"My family would have me beat and then I would be killed for being out casted and then hunted down like an animal. Or something similar."

"That is sad . . . no one should have that fate for helping another." I say softly looking in his direction.

"My family . . . is expected to rule over all; as their first born I am expected to full fill that role and more."

"Can you tell me more of your family?" I asked looking at my hands.

"Well what is there to say? I have a hard life, and you probably don't have it any better being held captive." He said somberly.

"I am sorry for asking." I say softly.

"Don't worry, one day you will know everything about me as I you," He took a breath and softly spoke again "I wish I could touch your hair."

I laughed softly.

"I wish I could see your face."

"Ahh these wishes will be fulfilled soon, just hold on a little longer."

"Oh so much hard work." I mocked. He stayed silent and for the rest of the night until I fell asleep. But I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

_Everything was going to be alright._


	11. Chapter 11

"**On the ground I lay motionless in pain, I can see my life flashing before my eyes"**

Chapter Ten

My heart was beating like a caged bird as I was handed a cloth rope. I stared at it with horror; it seemed that if I was going to survive I would have to be dependent on my reflexes. As I waited with a sinking feeling pooling in my gut I remember what the shadowed man told me.

_You will be against not only your people, but your cellmates. After them is the other unit; they are all men. Don't think that force is what is going to save you, use your brain. Let go of the compassion to these people and your morals. If not you will be the first to be slaughtered._

I took a deep breath as the chains fell from my being as I held tightly to my only weapon. I raised my head and walked with the others into the sand area. One month of training has gotten me better, but not good enough.

The cold wind nicked at my skin even more and twirled my hair around me like a cyclone. It made me even more aware of how bare I was. My undergarments were all but falling apart; I was surprised that they up held the weather and so forth. My hand briefly touched the only thing besides my undergarments that was my own; the necklace.

I moved way and almost behind a starved _Elvhen_ woman when the other unit came into the arena. Only a few moments passed when a scarlet flag fell from the starter. For a moment there was complete stillness and then it erupted into chaos.

With my heart in my throat I wrapped the cloth around the woman in front of me and used her as a shield to an oncoming arrow. She gurgled and jerked around, but she wasn't dead. She was breathing fast as I tightened the cloth around her neck and with a sickening sound she lay dead at my feet.

"Forgive me." I whispered and started on my next victim. It was the older sister of the girl-woman. She was fighting a lanky half dead male with a wooden spear. Her fight ended quickly by plunging the spear into his gut, and _she smiled_.

As she looked down at her kill I wrapped the cloth around her neck. She was faster than the one before her. She snapped her elbow into my gut and I gasped with the pain. I tried to keep her near so I could choke her but she twirled a few feet away. I was aware of the crowd cheering with another dead. I felt sick, really, really sick.

I glared at her and an insane smile bloomed on her face. I was near her kill, my foot bumped into his hand which still held his weapon; a poleaxe. I quickly grabbed the poleaxe and changed my stance, I held it with both hand and the cloth was hanging from my fingers.

_Feet apart, balanced._

I barely felt the plus of life in the back of my mind that it made me gasp. I haven't felt it in so long that I thought I had lost it. It was a parasite living in his gut. I tried to think of a way that it could help me but came up with nothing.

She jabbed her spear at me, all I had to do was side step away. She was just playing with me like a cat. My mouth tightened as I felt the presence of the girl-woman. She was holding a wooden staff with blood at the tip of it. One look at them and I knew they planned on tag teaming this whole thing.

_Put away your morals_.

In a quick breath and I was throwing the sand in the older ones face and kicked the younger one behind the calf. A rush of magic soon followed, it almost hit me but instead burnt the older one, I watched with wide eyes as she cried out. She was being burned from the inside out.

I met the eyes of the one whom casted the spell in a brief second but that was enough. With a nod of understanding I found myself an ally. I turned quickly and plunged the poleaxe deeply into the young girl-woman's neck. With the momentum and strength I found it scrapping against her spinal cord. Lucky she was dead on impact. I turned on my heel and made quick work of the next, and the next and the next.

Before long I was standing with exhaustion holding my poleaxe in one hand and holding shut my undergarment and part of my gushing wound with the other. The big man smiled down at me and raised his giant sword to hit me again; thankfully he didn't have a chance because as he raised his arms to slash and hack at me he left a vital organ exposed. With a quick and risky movement I was plunging the end of the poleaxe under his ribs and into his heart.

He gasped and fell to his knees, his heart was pumping furious as his hands wrapped around the poleaxe and threw it into the blood stained sand. He was panting holding his wound. I knew that it would take a few moments for him to die so I grabbed the poleaxe from the sand and slashed it across his throat, and with a horrid gasping sound he bleeds out. I would forever remember him trying to breath and the sound it made.

I tied my undergarment with the cloth rope and took a strip of his clothes to stop the gushing of my blood. It went right over the scar I had from so long ago, the one from that man and the fire. I scowled at the scar and stood up.

After that I let the monster that howled and cried take control of me. I could see through her eyes and her I. With glowing markings I smiled as I felt her power, this was what I was trying to feel when I touched those bars.

The beast made it seem like a dance as I slaughtered them. I controlled my hands, my feet she only showed me how to move them, the power that should be behind the attacks. It was like what happened before, only now I had more control.

As the haze of blood lust left I looked into the eyes of the caster. My wound was still bleeding and it made me woozy but I held up. The man only nineteen at least had red hair and pale skin. He was about five feet tall—tall for an _Elvhen_. He held his hand out to support me as the tall gates opened and guards came and ushered us away leaving behind the tainted sand and wild crowd.

I held tightly to this strangers arm as we were ushered into dark moist halls. It made me uneasy that there was stone above my head but I kept walking—or should I say limping. After so many turns that I had no hope of ever seeing the light of day we came into a cavern like room.

Right dab in the middle of the room was that _Elvhen_ mage. She rushed forward and had us sit down. Another the _shemlen_ woman handed each of us cold clear water as the other healed our wounds. I gulped down the water greedily as she healed me, it hurt as my flesh kitted back together and it was still sore.

"There will be a scar." She told me as she handed me another pair of undergarments and pointed to a screen to change into it. I walked quickly and did just that. After that we didn't have to wait long at all. We were ushered up to the surface again.

We were lead up onto the platform with I know now their god Levis. I watched with disgust as seven lords sat as one by one we were presented and they bought. My mind wondered quickly away and searched the crowd for the familiar outline of my shadowed man. There were thousands and thousands of people, men, women, and children.

The mage went up before me and I made myself pay attention to his buying. It was quite quick after the auctioneer went over his good traits and saying how useful he was. The one lord with golden hair the color of the sun and eye of the coldest water and the other the hottest flame bought him for thirty five sovereigns.

The mage was the only one who got held down and branded. He cried out as the image of a long sword with a snake wrapped around it was burned in between his shoulder and chest. He sat limp as the lord locked a sturdy and elegant collar around the mage's neck. He was then dragged to the side.

I really did not want to be bought by this guy now.

I was then grabbed by the auctioneer and was turned around. He held out my one arm and started speaking.

"Look at these markings! You will be the envy of the others to be in control of such beauty! Look at her face! Do you see the spit fire she is? She'll be great to train." He then held my hair out of my face to show my hidden ears and turned my face away so the sun hit me just right.

"Look at this body! It could be a weapon and with that power a good one. Or a bed warmer! Think of that!" he cried lightly touching my waist. I glared at the _shemlen _man, I really wanted to hit him now- I was no cattle.

"Thirty sovereigns!" one of the lords called out laughing.

"—forty sovereigns." The other lord—the one who bought the mage. _Malachi?_ I think his name was.

"Fifty!" the other said standing up stopping the other lord from coming to me.

"Sixty five."

"Sixty three!"

"Eighty sovereigns." Lord Malachi said coldly. The air was silent as we waited for the other to say something. All he did was sit back down in a huff.

"Sold!" the auctioneer said with glee and I was being held down. No, no, no this was not happening. It can't be.

One of the people that were holding me down held my face still as the glowing white hot brand came closer and closer to my face. It would fit perfectly between the slanted x and my lips.

I yelled and screamed as pain as it made contact with my face. I tried thrashing but it didn't work, it hurt worse than the magic infused bars. As if a whole world just stopped, and I thought it would last forever. With a strangled gasp of relief it was removed from my face but the pain did not go away but accumulated.

"Welcome to my house." He said as he put an elegant collar around my neck. Faintly I took in how beautifully craved it was but that was soon out of my mind as black dots danced around my vision.


	12. Chapter 12

"**With every move I die, I'm fading, I'm broken inside"**

Chapter Eleven

Soon, all too soon I was dragged to my feet again, I listened and watched as one of the holders took the mage's wrist and slit it open. He then let a few drops fall onto a piece of paper that was handed to scriber who started writing something.

"This one will be called Conner." Malachi spoke. He was then healed. Next was I, I didn't want to get cut anymore. Didn't I loose enough blood?

"This one will be called . . . Fajra." He said as I glared at him. Fajra sounded like a _Durgen'len_ name. I bit my tongue as the _Elvhen _servant following him placed a cool wet rag in my hands. I quickly glanced at 'Connor' to see him pressing it against his brand. I was going to have to ask him what his real name was one day.

Malachi turned on his heel and started walking away; we were pushed by one of the guards that followed him around. I kept my head high as I could when you're getting pushed. Each step I took felt like I was getting choked, like an invisible hand took hold of my heart and throat. My chest tightened and I shook my head quickly.

Slowly my shoulders slumped and my gaze turned to the huge city's marble floor. It was cold, really cold. The beautiful scent of Magnolia made it to my nose and I felt the invisible hand loosen and I let out a soft sigh. He would want me to do whatever it takes to live.

Just like that I shook of the depressions greedy fingers and hold my head up high. I would do just that; I will survive. But it was easier thought than forgetting all the faces I killed, also the one who died for me.

Survive.

Survive, live.

Breathe.

Forget.

I turned my head up just in time to see a huge house; it was waaayyy bigger than all the other ones around it. Actually it looked like everything was built around it, like they were bowing their heads to the huge house.

"Take them to the baths and feed them. And bring me Ziy'ha and Siallin." He said and walked away. I was dragged away by a small young _Elvhen_ girl. She was a _da'len,_ only eight or so. The only thing that marked that he owned her was the bracelet that had his crest on it; the crest that was burned into my face.

The pain had dulled a little but the second that I took the rag off it flared up again. The house a beautifully built and the pillars had things like birds or ivy carved into them. There was so much art around that I just wanted to stare at them and thing of a million stories for each one.

"This way." She called out in her young voice only to see her turning a corner. I hurried after her leaving behind a huge painting that struck me the most.

It was a woman in a white dress stepping off a cliff with the ocean below her; she was reaching for the moon and the stars. She was reaching for _hope_. At least that's what I thought. The colors blended perfectly and the stars really looked like stars.

Soon I was being pushed into a steamy room and I held onto my little clothing as the servants tugged at them. There was a hot spring with a waterfall as a tub. I looked at it with amazement as they finally ripped my clothing out of my soft slender hands.

One grabbed my long hair and started brushing it as another all but pushed me into the warm pool. The water was so refreshing.

"I can wash myself!" I cried and backed up from the servant reaching for my shoulder with a soppy cloth. She smiled and handed it to me as I also tried to take my hair out of the others grasp. It seemed I was never going to loosen her grip so I quit trying and quickly washed myself.

I hand to wait awhile before she did and by then I was all but asleep in the pool. What woke me up was her throwing water on my head and getting a shit load of shampoo in my wide eyes. Once bath time was done I was handed a towel as another started re- brushing my hair and then patting it dry.

"The green dress!"

"No I think the white dress looks more beautiful!" and so they argued back and forth on which one I was going to be dressed in. I shook my head at both and walked over to a warm looking pedal soft dress that fell to my ankles.

"Oohhooo, you have a good eye." The one that wanted the green dress said and before I knew it I was in the dress and my hair was in a nice bun at the base of my neck.

I was dragged down the halls with my pale feet slapping the beautifully polished floor and the two servants giggling like little girls pulling at my hands. Weren't only the lords having servants follow them and help them?

Soon I was seated at a huge oak table and a warm bowl of soup and there was meat in it! I said a quick prayer of thanks to the Creators and dug into my food oblivious to the questioning look of the mage across from me.

"What were those words you spoke?" he asked as I was half way through my soup. I paused and starred at my bowl, a dark reflection looked up at me. My face was swollen and the burn was puckered and scabbing over slowly, there were dark bruises under my eyes.

"That was the _Elvhen_ language, do you not know it? You have a _vallaslin_, no?" I asked.

"Val—what?" he asked.

"_Vallaslin_, the blood writing." I said pointing to his face.

"Oh that. My friend wanted me to get it, so I did." He said. I only starred at him like he was an idiot.

"Flat ear." I curse under my breath and finish off my soup. After I was done with it I was getting pulled away by them two servants to my living quarters. They shoved me into a nice gown and braided my hair.

"We'll wake you up when training is to start." Servant one calls out as she leaves my room, servant number two giggles and shut the door. I turned to really look at my living quarters.

It was a huge room with a soft fabric underneath my bare feet. To the right it a huge vanity, in the middle is a bed that I could never fill and to the right is a huge closet. Two night tables grace each side of the soft colored bed. On the one night table was the only light. The candle danced and danced as I walked over to it and licked my fingers to snuff it out.

I felt to the bed with a tired sigh and turned to my side. The blankets wrapped around me like a mothers hug and before I knew it a wave of sobs and tears come. I held tightly to the blankets as my breathless sobs suffocate me. I fell asleep hours later with tears in my eyes.


	13. Chapter 13

"**Even the strongest fall down sometimes, get up and stop weeping- you have so much to live for, my baby girl"**

Chapter Twelve

Everything was dark, but warm. At least my skin was warm but it felt like the core of me was still freezing. I stared at the image before me and wanted to cringe.

The face was pale- almost sickly so. The dark eyes were bloodshot and there were darker bruises underneath them. The soft pink lips were parted drawing in the air and the markings stood out from the skin. But most of all was the swollen brand on the right side of my face; it was crusted with dried blood and scabbing over. Big slender ears drew away and were pointed down.

The servant number one was brushing my long hair out softly and chattering away in my ear. They had woken me up from my unfit-full sleep and told me that training would begin soon. Servant number two was going back and forth between a tan colored shirt and the brown shirt. The breeches lay on the soft bed long forgotten.

"There!" she said moving her small hands away from my head. She pulled my hair into a high ponytail and then tied off three other sections going down my long hair. It was weird to see my long bangs pulled into the ponytail. It reviled more of my baby bangs which now covered the marking on my forehead.

"How do you like it?" she asked with a hopeful light in her eyes. I shrugged and nodded, I wasn't in a mood to pretend to be mean or nice. She squealed with delight and walked over to her partner and helped her pick out the tan shirt.

The tan shirt was big on me and I pulled the long sleeves up to my upper bicep and the rest of it fell to my elbows. The breeches fit my hips nicely but it only fell to my knees. S-2 motioned for me to sit down again and I gladly did. I didn't have any energy. She wrapped my feet in a thick cloth that the Dalish used when it was summer and we wanted something on our feet. She left my toes and heel bare. It only reached up to my ankle. S-1 handed me a shawl and started leading away.

Servant two soon scurried away and I got lost following s-1. I knew now that if I ever wanted to run away that I could just hide away in one of the many winding halls that looked like they never ever ended.

"This way!" she yelled turning yet another corner. Soon I found myself in a beautiful court yard with huge trees looking down on you. Once again I was called to. I hopped over mounts of snow when she took a left.

My feet thankfully hit sand instead of snow and I pulled the shawl tighter. Servant one came running and handed me an apple.

"You only have a minute or so before you have to start training. I hope you do well!" she said with an innocent smile.

"What are your names?" I asked biting into the cold fresh apple; I closed my eyes in joy when the taste hit my tongue.

"I am Eli and she is Illin, but you can call her I." servant number two said.

"Thank you Eli and Illin." I said looking at the apple in my small hands.

"Hurry up and finish that. Our trainer is coming." Conner said coming up behind me. He also had two servants following him. One boy looked to be nine the other seventeen. The seventeen year old took the cloak that was wrapped around him. Illin took my shawl and the rest of my green apple.

The human women didn't say anything but stared us down. It was the woman from before when we trained for the Golden trials. She had almond shape eyes that were light green with brown in them. She had short light brown hair in a high ponytail with an orange colored headband that pulled her hair tightly away from her face. She looked down her long straight nose at us and it was turned so the light hit it perfectly. Her skin was flawless, not a scar or nick ever touched her it.

"I am Ziy'ha. You will follow every order I give you- even if it means to break a leg." She said pressing her thin lips together and moved closer. She handed us a long wooden staff and walked away. I blinked in confusion at her retreating back swaying her non-existent hips.

I looked down at the staff held loosely in my grip and wished I didn't have to fight anymore. I stayed with my eyes on the staff and closed my eyes. I took in the grains of sand at my feet, the way the cold air danced around, the smell of dew carried on the breeze. And the sound of a person moving stealthily behind me made it to my ears making them serve.

I snapped the staff up opening my eyes and kicked the person in my knee. The person easily blocked my kick and the staff in a fluid motion and snapped their own blunt weapon at me. I quickly and clumsily blocked it. The person kept hitting me with quick sessions to the knees, ankles, hips, and shoulders. I blocked half of them; the other half stung reminding me to be faster.

I faked to the right and kicked sand into the person's face. I brought my wooden staff hard onto the person's head breaking it- but thankfully knocking them unconscious. I let out a small cry out of the back of my throat as I panted. I looked over to where Conner was and wanted sit down and stay down.

Conner was fending off two attackers and he was doing really badly with the staff. He used his magic a lot tiring himself out. Red welts were forming on his skin and he was sweating but his eyes held his determination.

I ran quickly and blocked the blow that would have hit his side by crossing the now broken staff. I grabbed the person's weapon and kicked them near the thighs. The weapon easily cut into my hands making the weapon slicker.

"The right upper side is open!" I called out to Conner glancing at the one on one fight. My accent veiled my words making it seem like I was talking in the olden tongue. A sting hit me in the hip reminding me to pay attention to my fight. I ended up in a tied up battle with this person and just wanted to scream.

"Just" I gasped swinging the staff hard into the shoulder "Hold…" I got hit in the calf "The fuck . . . STILL" I grunted side stepping instead of blocking. Thankfully Conner moved with me and we switched sides. I was now back to back to him and facing a grinning foot soldier. I glared and kicked him in the jewels and started choking him. He was moving wildly and pulling at my fingers.

"Move!" I called out to Conner as the foot soldier stumbled in his direction. I jumped off him and watched them fall. We quickly then knocked them down, and they stayed down.

I was panting and leaning onto Conner and reached my hand out to touch his forehead. He was in bad shape with scarlet welts all over his body and sweat running down him. Regeneration magic rushed through my body and I held my hand over his forehead and recycled the magic rushing into me. My markings glowed softly as I watched the bright welts fade from his skin. He was healing me and I him.

"You're a mage?" He panted to me.

"No, every Dalish has some gift." I said looking up at the stormy sky. He opened his mouth to reply when Ziy'ha came walking over.

"You will do it again until darkness falls." She growled and turned away. I glared at her back and picked up the broken weapons at my feet.

"I'll take the left, you take the right?" I asked moving my sore muscles.

"Deal."

I thought I would die before the night came but I was grinning like a fool when the night ran her dark fingers in the sky. I fell to the ground and closed my eyes when Ziy'ha told us to stop. Conner fell down beside me with a groan and I think we would have stayed there if not for Eli and Illin coming with the two others.

"Come on." Illin said grabbing my hand and trying to pull me up. After a minute I got up and was handed a wet cloth. I gratefully held in to the brand and limped after them. I ate my dinner with drooping eyes and was falling asleep during bath time.

"It'll get better." Eli said closing the door softly as I wobbled over to the bed. I quickly snuffed out the candle and looked at the full moon through the window.

"Happy birthday . . . Fajra." I whispered looking at the sky and watched it reach its highest peak- the time of my birth- with tears in my eyes. I held tightly to the blankets around me and cried and cried.

"It'll be okay." A comforting voice said as the bed dipped. I threw myself at my shadowed man and cried myself asleep.


	14. Chapter 14

"**You're so exotic, getting my whole body fluttering." **

Chapter thirteen

What woke me up was warm breath sweeping over my one ear and it made me want to shiver.

"Goodbye for I must leave now, have sweet dreams." He whispered near my ear. I was thinking about sitting up and grabbing ahold of him when he lightly kissed me right under my ear. His mouth was soft as butterfly wings against me. He sighed softly against my neck and spoke softly again.

"You offer too much temptation," he then turned away and was getting off my bed when I decided to do something. I sat up quickly and wrapped my small fragile looking arms around his cloaked figure and held tightly to him. I moved my face into where the junction of his neck and shoulder.

"Please don't leave me." I cried brokenly into the fabric of his cloak. He stiffened and turned around and wrapped his arms around me. I could only see his lips and neck before everything else was swallowed by the cloak. Two locks of golden hair skimmed his chin with two beads on each.

"Please." I said again putting my face near the skin of his neck.

"Don't. . . "He said sucking in a sharp breath.

"Please! Don't . . . d-don't leave me to the nightmares." I said. My lips softly skimmed over his skin making him shake his head quickly but his hands didn't leave me.

". . . "Was his only answer. I held tighter to him and laid my face on his shoulder facing his neck.

"_Ma serannas_." I said as my breath licked his skin.

"You are an evil woman." He said. I backed up to look at him the best I could when most of his whole body was covered up.

"Don't say that. . . I'm not . . . . evil." I said choking.

"I didn't mean it like that."

"What did you mean then?" I asked turning my eyes away.

"Close your eyes." He commanded. I did as I was told and sat still wondering why he would ask such a thing.

He held my hands softly in his huge ones and I waited. His breath caressed my neck and then his butterfly soft lips moved and barely touched my neck. But still it caught my attention fast. His lips followed a path to a really sensitive spot on my neck and quickly his tongue darted out. I couldn't help the way my eyes snapped open at the shock and then he placed open mouthed kisses around my neck.

"W-what are you doing?!" I asked biting my lip hard.

"This is what you do to me." He said and then nipped at the spot softly stealing a gasp from my throat. A blush swarmed over my face as this strange feeling washed over me. He moved his one hand to hold my both and placed the other on my hip. His butterfly kisses left that spot to travel to the edge of my chin and then he went back to my ear. With each kiss he placed on me I had to bite my lip harder and harder to stop the soft sound that wanted to escape my mouth. He was stealing my breath and making my heart beat faster. Everything was warmer and my head spun.

He kissed my earlobe softly and then bit my ultra-sensitive ears. I couldn't stop the moan that ripped out of my mouth as the pleasure of such an act ran through me. He only stayed on my ear for a second longer and then he captured my open lips.

The kiss was soft and gentle. I moved my own lightly and like that he moved his body closer to me urged me to open my mouth for him. His body was hard against me, his body was good, and it made me want so much. I did as he wanted and soon his hot tongue was dancing with mine. I pushed myself closer to him wanted him to kiss me harder, wanting more of him. So much wanting, yet he chuckled against my lips and parted away.

I was panting hard as was he, and I looked up at him wanting clearly written on my face.

"Goodnight, my Fajra." he said and was gone in a blink of an eye. I lay back on my back with a dull swoosh and thud. I groaned angrily and hit the bed with my fist, my heartbeat was pounding quickly and my blood rushed through my veins as I slowed down my breathing.

"Damn." I said and turned around to my stomach. My body still craved, I never felt this before and I never understood what the other people talked about- till now. I buried my face in my soft pillow and wanted to kick my legs.

Too bad I only had to wait to get captured, turned into a slave, branded and wait for my birthday to get my first kiss. My first kiss that still lingered on my lips.

Right now if I was still with my people and I wasn't born with these markings I would be getting ready to get my _vallaslin._ I would have bathed with special oils and smoke and prayed for three weeks before hand. I would sit proudly on the mat and watch the Keeper mix special things and sharpen tools to mark my skin. I would have gotten _Dirthamen _the keeper of secrets on my face and shoulders.

But that was not so. I am already marked. I am now Fajra the potential of Lord Malachi and being trained for battle.

I am nothing like I want.

I am not.

I will never be.

Yet I still hope.

The kiss lingers on my lips as I fall asleep.


	15. Chapter 15

**"My blood is singing, shouting, crying, don't you hear me yelling for you?"**

Chapter Fourteen

I held tightly to the blankets as Eli and Illin grabbed and pulled at it.

"I don't wanna get up." I growled sleepily to them and held tight to my warm soft covers.

"You have to!" Eli said turning her wide eyes to me. Her baby face was flushed and her light blonde hair stuck to her pale forehead. I sighed softly and let them take the blanket.

"This morning is going to be better—I promise!" she said with a huge grin, she had a missing tooth; it had fallen out as all baby teeth do. I raised an eyebrow and let her grab my hand with her smaller one. Motherly love filled me as she held onto my hand- I will never have a child. The thought sent my breath catching in my throat and I shook my head.

I sat down and let her brush my hair and she laughed and giggled away telling me everything that was happening in the castle. I tried to pay attention to her instead of how my eyes had darker bruises underneath them.

Eli ended up putting my hair in a mind puzzling braid that had so many different twist and turns that I had no hope of ever undoing them. I ended up in an opal white shirt that was the same style as before and tan breeches.

I followed them to the dining area and I was able to sit down and eat my breakfast which was oatmeal with a pear. As I was wolfing down my breakfast Conner came and sat down beside me. He got the same thing as me.

"It doesn't look like you got a goodnight sleep." I said but it came out slurred and I covered my mouth for I was gulping down my food.

"You don't look like you got a goodnight sleep either- night terrors?" He asked eating his food slowly. I didn't say anything but pushed my food away and didn't touch my pear. I shook my head and turned to Eli and Illin, the latest night terror still fresh in my mind.

"Can you take me to the training grounds?" I asked them. They nodded and hurried away, I followed at a somber pace.

Once there I handed them my shawl and started stretching my sore muscles and wanted to go back to bed. Soon Ziy'ha was glaring at me with her almond eyes. She didn't come closer or anything she just stood there staring me down. I glared back at her and was tempted to stick my tongue out at her. At that thought the memory of shadow man's tongue in my mouth came to mind. I quickly shook my head and glared more at the _shemlen_ woman and was interrupted by Conner walking up.

Once Conner came she started walking slowly to us and her almond eyes now held humor.

"By the half mark of the next moon cycle you shall know each other like the back of your hand. You will know each breath, every motion one shall make on the battle field. You have half a month to know everything before you will be introduced to the rest of your team mates. You are expected to be willing to die for them if not throw yourself onto my blade now." She said pacing before us. I blinked and wanted to bite my lip, how were we going to do this in half a month?

"Hold out your hands." She commanded and reluctantly I held out my leading hand; the right. With horror I watched as she snapped a metal chain linking me to Conner, there was only about three links between us. I felt my spirits dampen and one thought ran through my mind; no more night visits from shadow man.

~O~ ~O~ ~O~

A tall ginger headed man sat on an elegant chair beside a huge bed with another man lying down seemingly having a night terror with cold sweat breaking out on his brow. The man glared down at the papers in his hands and threw them onto the royal bed. A knock came on the fruitwood door and an _elvhen_ came walking in at the man's okay.

The _elvhen_ had bright silver grey eyes with ancient markings by one of his eyes and mouth and along his cheek bones. Black hair darker than any night fell messily into his eyes and one even touched his collar bone. The back was just as messy and stopped a little bit past the neck. His ears were longer and even more slender than any _elvhen_ seen before, as his eyes were also dilated more to catch the light. He wore wolf's fur to cover his lower parts and you could easily see all his scars from his almost tan skin. His feet were bare and he had a bow and quiver strapped to his back alone with a sword on his hip.

A man of nineteen followed behind the _elvhen_. He had royal blue mage robes that had all types of blue intertwined into the fabric. Unlike some he had a hood. He had to part with a blue oak tinted staff and two daggers at the door. The man had a sharp face and stormy blue eyes looked coldly on. White wavy hair stuck out from his face and was very neat compared to the other. His skin color was also very fair too. The man easily towered over the other but the other seemed not to care.

The man kneeled down and placed his fist over his heart.

"I am KJ, I pledge myself to you and have come as you have called." The man said looking up the bed.

"You're the second in command." The ginger head man said with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes, **Prince** Ash." He said with narrowed eyes.

"I have an important mission for you. You have to complete it at all costs. You have to find Zevran Arainai, an Antivan Crow. He left Ferelden ten years ago to Antiva, be careful when your encounter him, he is a very skilled assassin." He said handing the man a paper. "And Oghren Kondrat near the Weisshaupt Fortress in the Anderfels. Our messages have not gotten through to him and we need that sodden dwarf." He said handing him another paper. "Leliana is in Orlais by Val Royeaux. There have been rumors of Morrigan near the Frostback Mountains. Find them and quickly search for the Urn of Andraste and take a pinch of her holy ashes and return swiftly. Wynne is waiting in the main hall for you." He said handing him the rest of the sketches and information on each one of the people he was searching for.

"I would like to accompany him." the _elvhen_ man said with a heavy accent. The prince ignored the lack of title.

"I do not need companions." The human man said now turning his glare onto the _elvhen_ man. He only looked back at him with sharp eyes.

"Suiadan you may accompany him." the prince said with a wave of his hand. The human man growled and stormed out.

"Remember your promise, _shemlen_." Suiadan said darkly and followed the human. He caught up quickly and met up with the angry human walking past an elderly mage. The mage shook her head and followed.

The ginger headed man sighed softly at the closing door and turned his attention to the man on the bed.

"Well step- papa, what would you have done?" The man asked and sounded like a lost child. He picked up the reports again from the bed set them down again with an angry swoosh and walked out of the depressing room quickly.


	16. Chapter 16

"**Da'len dareth Mythal Elgar'nan sahlin then**"

Chapter Fifteen

The white haired man glared at the old crone who was making dinner. Wynne ignored the young man and continued to make the stew.

"I will take the first patrol." The _elvhen _declared as he picked up a satchel and started to walk away towards the forest, the dying light brightening up his skin.

"Tomorrow you will go with Wynne to retrieve Zevran and Leliana. I will stay to find Oghren and the witch of the wilds." The man said coldly. The_ elvhen's_ head snapped back and fixed his uncanny silver- grey eyes on his stormy blue one. The man's stomach tightened and his eyes narrowed. He had a feeling that the _elvhen_ would not look away, after ten minutes later it was Wynne who broke it.

"Suiadan can you be a dear and bring back more herbs if you find any?" Wynne said looking up at the young lad. His ears served to catch the sound and he looked at her a moment with his hand on his writs, on the scarlet cloths tied there.

"Yes, _hahren_." He said turning away. After a moment of silence Wynne spoke again.

"Oghren will be near a tavern, drunk. You will have to fight Morrigan if you hope of living."

Kj snorted at the comment and continued to polish his daggers. 'Ignorant old woman doubting my skills.' He thought.

About an hour later the _elvhen _man came back and handed Wynne a small handful of herbs. Other than that he went back to sitting down. He got an empty look and stared at the fire dancing in their small campsite.

"You really should brush that hair." Wynne said to the man and handed him a brush. He gave her a look but didn't respond to her words and only turned his gaze to the ivory brush in his hands.

Soon Wynne handed out dinner and took back the unused brush. Kj thought he was going to gag on the stew and wanted to throw it out. But he knew that if he made soup that it would be just as bad. Kj just glared at the soup but continued to eat. Suiadan ate without complaint and even got another bowl full. Wynne smiled softly when he did that. He even gathered the dishes and when into the forest to find a water source to wash them.

~O~ ~O~ ~O~

I groaned and watched the sand move with my breath. Night had fallen and gladly ending our suicidal training. Red welts from the wooden staffs graced my skin and I wanted close my eyes and got to sleep.

"Come on, we've been laying down long enough." Conner said pulling on the chain that linked us together.

"No." I groaned and closed my eyes tighter together. He easily pulled me up to my feet and started walking towards Eli and Illin and his servants. Tears filled up in Eli's eyes when she saw the red marks on my skin and hugged me tightly. She only reached up to my waist and she sniffled. I gently patted her back and held her tightly to me and pretended that she was a family member.

"I'm fine." I said softly and she nodded and backed away. It had turned out during practice that we were the most horrid when working together—hence the red marks. He had used all his magic in the fight and I had run out of energy.

We had red meat for dinner, I was falling asleep as I ate but Conner's voice had woken me up.

"How are we to bath? Where are we going to sleep, my room or yours?" he asked. I groaned and let my head hit the table with a hurtful thud.

"Let's sleep in your room tonight. Next night my room." I said chewing my food.

"What about bathing?" he asked.

"We just have to look the other way and I'll ask Eli to help me." I said pouting. He sighed and muttered fine.

Soon we were crawling down the hall after our servants, my feet felt like rocks and I leaned on Conner, and he I. Illin helped me out of my clothing and unwrapped my feet.

"It looks like you got beat." She said softly as she let my hair down.

"Feels like it too." I said with a small sound.

"I put some elfroot in the water to help with the healing." Eli said pouring some special oils into the water.

"Ma serannas." I said and waiting for Conner to be finished so we could walk into the water. I looked at the floor and noticed more than I had before. There were seashells embedded into the stairs and there were carvings in them of starfish and other creatures. It was beautiful and I wished that I noticed them sooner.

Ripples waved out as I walked into the water. There was a design on the floor. I took a deep breath and let myself sink into the water. I got as close as I could with being chained to him and traced the scale of the water dragon. I smiled and slowly let small bubbles come out of my mouth. This could be it, I could let myself drown and everything would be better. But of course I stood up and gasped for breath.

"This place is beautiful." I said as Eli moved my hair and started to wash my back.

"Yes, yes it is." Eli said.

"How long have you been with these people?" I asked and relaxed.

"I was born here. My mama was the servant of the brother Fentar. He was a mean man and sent me to Lord Malachi when he came back. Lord Malachi is so nice; he takes good care of us. I am so glad it was him that took me in." Eli said rinsing my back.

"Really? How is that possible- he's a demon!" I said.

"Well he's a nice demon." Eli said. I sighed and stood still for her to finish washing me. It was hard when we got dressed and I couldn't help it I peeked at Conner. And let's say a second look would be fine. I was blushing as Illin dressed me, Illin giggled at my red face and glanced at Conner and fanned her face. I rolled my eyes at her but a smile found itself to my lips.

We walked slowly down to his bedroom and I fell onto the right side and pretended to fall asleep. Conner was out like a light and soon I was counting his breaths.

Twenty- two

Twenty- three

And so it went on until the door opened and a little figure appeared. It was Eli and she walked on sleepy legs.

"What's wrong?" I asked softly as I watched her eyes dilate to catch the moonlight that came through the windows.

"I had a nightmare." She said rubbing her eyes. I blinked quickly and shook my head- why was she coming to _me_. But I opened my arms the best I could and she snuggled into them like she fit. Would this be like if I had a little sister or daughter? I pushed the thought out of my head and my eyes dropped lower and lower until I my snores joined Conner's and Eli's.

The dream came quickly like a fog to my brain. And my heart was beating faster and faster. _I was in a forest and a fog was thick in the air. My hair rose up and I walked quickly away. _

"_Arinka. "The call was soft and it sounded like Ashalle. I walked faster and faster, no- no more night terrors. _

"_Arinka." It came out like a birds coo. _

"_Arin~ka." The voice sung again. I started running, the sounds of many feet running followed. There was laughter and a spear hit beside my head. I turned and there was Ashalle with an insane grin on her aged face also the man was beside her. _

"_Arin~ka." She cooed again. I shook my head quickly no, no this was just a night terror. _

"_It's your fault." She cooed and I watched as her face changed, it began to decay. Others came from behind her—all I had killed. _

"_You can't run forever. You will join us Arin~ka." She screeched._

"_No! No! She's gone I am Fajra!" I said with tears in my eyes. _

"_Join us." The man said._

"_No!" I screamed and looked down at my hands- there was scarlet blood all over them. I turned and ran and they hunted me. There laughter followed me like the sound of their feet._

"_IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!" she screamed behind me._

"_No!" I yelled running faster._

"_YOU KILLED US, YOUR FAULT. IT'S YOUR FAULT THAT YOU'RE MOTHER'S DEAD, YOUR FAULT WE'RE ALL DEAD!" _

"_NO!" I cried again as black stuff stuck to my feet and slowed me down. _

"_Dorf'Fen! Dorf'Fen I need you! Help!" I screamed as in slow motion I fell._

"_DORF'FEN!" I cried and I watched with wide eyes as the man's hands reached for me. A bright light came and like it has for a while and everything shattered. Silver- grey eyes met mine and I woke up._

With a gasp I put my hand to my mouth and held back my scream, this time the dream was less horrid but other times things came out of Ashalle's body or the man would grab hold of me. I bite my hand and felt the tears stream down my face. I sat there for hours with tears in my eyes. I couldn't fall asleep so I curled up into a ball and waited for them to wake up.


	17. Chapter 17

"**The sun will always come after the dark~"**

Chapter Sixteen

The _elvhen_ stood stock still as Wynne look on waiting patiently for the young lad. His eyes were dilated and his ears were so close to his dark messy hair you could almost miss them. To Wynne he looked like a lost child.

"It's time to go." Wynne said kindly.

"How long is this voyage?" He asked, his eyes not straying from the huge boat.

"Two and half weeks to Orlais and three more for Antiva." Wynne said taking a few steps forward. The lad let out a tired sigh and took one last look at the trees lining behind him. He felt like everything was closing in on him, as if he took a step he would die.

The boat was huge and almost crude looking. Lilly catcher was painted boldly on the side; it was a very unfit name for a boat like this. But Wynne said it was a strong and fast boat, just what they needed.

He boarded the boat and held tightly to the railing as he watched Wynne interact with a middle aged man. After a while of tense talking the man pointed below deck and Wynne cracked a smile. Soon the boat was untied and the vast ocean spread out. About two hours into the journey the lad heaved up the stew and stayed there with his face pressed into the solid wood of the boat.

~O~ ~O~ ~O~

I laid in the bed not my own with thoughts drifting through my mind. Soon memories played before my eyes on the ceiling. I let my mind move to happier days, to days I just about forgotten, to days I wanted to forget.

_Papa._ The word brought a sea full of memories with it.

Laughter, running around in the tall grass hiking up my skirts as papa chased me. Hazel eyes watching with laughter in them, hazel eyes watching as he held a finger up to his lips. Long pretty dresses and words of 'my most special girl'. Eating sweets and sitting on shoulders to see over people. Dancing and singing, yelling and pouting, being a child.

I spend my first four years with my father before the world fell apart for me for the first time. Papa said to me one day that I needed to meet someone special and that he had another errand he had to do. I was always left in someone's hands when he had to leave; he said one day I would understand.

We were walking down the path into the city; it was huge and beautiful like a castle to my eyes. Soon I was running after a butterfly that was trying to get away. Papa took hold of my hand and shook his head. I pouted and followed. We came to the edge of the city and my eyes went everywhere. Ashalle's aged face greeted me with a sad smile and took the things that Papa gave her. Papa kneeled down to me and ruffled up my hair which I kept in the same style as his.

"You need to stay with Ashalle and be a good girl now." He looked sad and I thought at that time that he didn't like the place he had to visit.

"You won't forget to bring me my sweet like you promised, right?" I asked in my baby voice.

"Yeah, I'll bring your favorite." He said softly and I smiled my gap toothed smile. I was so foolish to think he would be back. I didn't know that was the last time I would ever see him. That was the day I was 'born' into the clan and Ashalle added the wolf and things into the aravel. He left me on my birthday too, my real one.

I would run to the gate of the city and wait for him to come back, always waiting. I used to ask every day at that time when he would be back. Ashalle didn't say anything. Weeks turned into months, months turned into years and I stopped asking but I never stopped looking for him.

The next year I had become Ama'syl's friend and met Dorf'Fen and then the attack happened. The clan thought of me as flat ear and by the time that they started seeing me differently I had already changed. I knew how they saw me was a big part of my fault and I felt sad about it, but I can't change it, I'll never be able to.

Years and years later I asked about the relation between my father and Ashalle and how it linked to me. I then found out that Ashalle was the adopted mother of the warden Tiaura and her sister. Her sister who no one ever speaks about. Her sister who was my mother. One thing I also figured out was that my mother must have done something terrible; so horrid that the people never ever talk about her. I also made the mistake of asking what happened to my mother. Ashalle's answer was painful. I had killed my own mother during the birthing process.

I turned onto my stomach and Eli moved too. She ended up laying half way on my back and half off. Two hours before dawn Illin crept into the room and bowed before me.

"I am deeply sorry about Eli, she knows the rules."

"It's okay." I said as Illin woke up Eli. Eli grumbled to her but followed her out. In an hour they would be back to start our morning ritual. Once they were gone and I was looking at the window I wished I had a magnolia blossom. But it was too cold, everything was dead.

I knew I had to keep living; I had to make the best out of everything. But it was so hard to do. Tears filled my eyes again but I didn't let them fall. The silence pressed in and rung in my sensitive ears as I felt the world was falling apart again and just like before my chest was heavy, my breath caught in my throat and the tears were harder to stop.

"Weak." I whispered as I stopped a tear from falling and pulled the covers closer to me, I was still cold, always cold now. I held tightly to the covers and pretended that they would hide me and protect me. Childish notion I knew but I didn't care.

I didn't want the hour to pass so I would have to look into these people's faces, I didn't want to train to become the weapon of Lord Malachi, and I just wanted to go back to how it was. Soon the hour was closing and I pretended to sleep and listened to Conner's loud snoring.

"Up! Today's going to be the perfect day!" Eli sung pulling at the covers. I let her take them and laid there for a moment longer and then helped them wake up Conner. I pulled him to the water basin in the left hand corner of the room and washed my face as he yawned.

"The yellow or the pink one?" Illin asked as she set two dresses on the now made bed.

"You'll need shorter dresses if you expect me to train in that." I said looking at them.

"Silly you, you're not training today. Lord Malachi's special trainers are here to test both of you. And were going shopping today! You'll be getting your own set of swords and armor. We also have to get formal wear. You'll be trained in edict after your training tomorrow. After your first mission in the beginning of spring there will be a grand ball!" Illin said with the biggest of smiles on her face.

Conner had a look that said help me as his servants came in and started dressing him. I turned to the dresses and look a good long look at them.

The yellow one was soft and it felt like silk. It only had short sleeves and it would go down to my ankles. A darker yellow corset went with it. It was really beautiful. It reminded me of the flower petals of a sunflower. I looked at it a moment longer and turned to look at the other.

The pink one was made from the same material and was just as soft. The sleeves were the flowing kind and there was a gap at the shoulders. It would come a little bit above my ankles. It had a white corset that reminded me of the color of the clouds. The dress was dark pink and then went lighter as it went down.

I looked between the two a few more moments before I picked the pink one.

"You'll be tested in everything. Manners, posture, mathematics, reading, dancing and people skills. All the things you'll need when going to a ball and much other stuff." Illin said as Eli brushed my long hair out. Illin took out a bag and started bring out things to enhance my outfit.

Conner sat with a dull thud beside me and was brushing his teeth. He said something but it came out all disarranged.

"What?" I asked as I too was handed a basin of water and a tooth brush. Conner spit out the paste and spoke again.

"This will be horrible!" he wined and scowled.

"At least we get armor." I said as I too spit out the paste and rinsed my mouth.

"Well that's the only good part." He said.

I shook my head and looked at my teeth in the mirror. Once I determined that they were bright white I turned to Conner. He was wearing a fancy green tunic and his hair was combed down to the side, but it looked nice. He also wore light brown boots that reached his knees and a dark green braided belt. He really looked dashing, even to an _elvhen's_ eye.

"There has to be more than one." I said placing the wooden toothbrush on the vanity.

"Hmm," he pretended to think "nope, none at all." A smile ran across my lips but left as quickly. I shouldn't have been smiling- not with everything that has happened.

"How are you planning to do my hair?" I asked Eli as she hummed and brushed out my hair. I met her eyes in the mirror and she looked overjoyed.

"I am putting half of your hair in an elegant bun and will be putting those" she made a motion to the ornaments on the vanity "in the bun and I will be leaving the rest down. I also have a set of earrings, so can you tell me how many holes you have?"

"Five piercing holes in each ear."

"Five?!" Conner asked with a raised eyebrow.

"What?" I asked.

"Didn't they hurt?" he asked.

"At first." I said as I relaxed my shoulders. After a few moments Eli spoke again.

"You will have to hide the necklace better; you do not want Milord to see it."

"Why?" I asked. She just pressed her lips together. My hand drifted to the chain that surprisingly was still around my neck. I turned my gaze downward to the tooth that hung on it. It looked well-worn and the edges were smooth from how many times I have rubbed my fingers across it. I closed my fist around it and closed my eyes for tears filled up in my eyes.

A sharp prick made me open my eyes to see Eli putting a white and pink teardrop earring in my ears. She soon placed two more near it left the other two at the top of my ears alone. She did the same for my other ear, she than motioned for me to turn.

"Look up and don't blink." She commanded and I did as I was told. She placed something on my eyes, it felt kind of oily.

"Open your mouth up wide." She said and had something in her hand. I opened my mouth as she motioned and watched as she placed something to my lips. She stepped back with a grin that I thought would split her face. I turned to the mirror and my breath caught in my throat.

My eyes looked bigger, more expressive and they struck me as beautiful. I than realized that my eyes were not murky ugly brown but a light brown that had redwood color intertwined in it. A dark rim encircled the light color. She also placed something under my eyes so it didn't show the dark bruises under them. My lips looked like they were fuller and they had a shine to them bringing out their natural color. My hair framed my face elegantly and two golden birds were clipped on each side of the bun and the rest fell nicely down.

"Be-u-timus."I whispered to my reflection. Illin walked over swiftly everything sorted out on the bed and a slip in her hands.

"Oh! Just for today you guys get to be unlocked from each other for testing." Eli said and pulled a key from her waist pocket and unlocked our bound wrists. I was then carefully pulled into the slip and then the dress slipped on.

"Hold onto the headboard of the bed please." Illin said holding the corset.

"Aren't I skinny enough?" I asked holding onto the headboard.

"Yes, so that's why I am keeping it loose then if you were fatter." Illin said pulling and tugging at the cords of the corset. It felt tight to me so I was afraid to see what tighter would feel like. I was then pulled to the chair again and had my feet wrapped with pink cloth that barely covered my feet.

We were then rushed from the room and walked briskly down amazing corridors that had so many paintings on the wall, each telling a breath taking story. Soon we were stopped and they quickly fixed our clothing. We had stopped by a large set of stairs that had the most beautiful carved steps and banister. There were also many chandlers that glittered with the light.

"Okay walk down nicely, slowly but not too slow. Keep your shoulders up and head high. This is the start of both of your tests. Very important people are here today. Be respectful." Illin said moving her hands in a fretful manner. And so she then motioned for Conner to start for the stairs.

He held his head high like he was told; he took slow deliberate steps and looked at the beauty of the grand ball room that was set out before him. I wanted to bite my lip as I impatiently waited for him to get to the bottom.

Once he was at the bottom he then bowed to the four people who stood before him. One was Lord Malachi who stood tall and looked on with cold eyes, the eyes of fire and water. The light glinted off his golden hair and the two beads in his hair. A man was beside him and looked as if he would destroy anything that would get in his path. He had golden brown hair that fell neatly to his forehead. He was tall but not as tall as milord. He reminded me of a hawk. A woman stood beside him with a bored and paper with a raven quill that scribbled down words. She had a straight tan face and short red hair. There was another woman beside her that could have passed for her twin.

Illin motioned for me to start for the stairs and I felt my heart start beating like a caged bird. I took a deep breath to calm my nerves and held my head up high like I owned the world. I step slowly to the stairs like I was going to dance. In a way it was a dance, I placed my cold hand on the banister and kept my gaze forward, past them.

Keep calm, one step at a time. And so slowly like I was the queen I walked down the stairs and reached the bottom and bowed and moved my skirt out. But I couldn't help the challenge that I held in my gaze. _I will not break to these people._

I stood beside Conner who had his hands behind his back and looked like a soldier waiting for orders. I stood still beside him but kept my posture loose but head and shoulders high.

"Walk over to the window and come back." The woman without the paper commanded Conner and he jumped to it. He glided across the polished floor with ease and came back in the same manner. I swear if you put a book on his head it would not fall or even slip. He stood by my side and stood the same way he did before. I was then motioned to do the same thing.

I took my natural stride which rocked my hips from side to side and my hair swished with the motion. I kept my head high and looked a little bit above the window. I could feel their eyes burn into my flesh as they judged my every step, my every breath.

"You will be showing us how well you dance whether you believe it is important or not." One said and music started to play from the people in the other side of the ball room. Conner stepped forward and clasped my right hand gently and placed his other on the base of my back. I placed my hand on his shoulder after he made a motion for me to do so.

"Just follow my lead. We will be going in a box. Left, right, left, right." He whispered in my ear and I moved when he did. He guided me gently to the side and my front brushed across him as I step forward and him backwards. I didn't like this type of dancing—it had the tips of my ears burning with a blush.

After that we followed them to the dining area and we had to set up dishes and plates. Conner gave me a clueless look and I knew exactly how he felt. I started guessing; I ended up putting the biggest plate and then went to the littlest plate. I then put an ivory bowl on top and put the forks on the left and the knives on the right. Conner did the same but put the forks on the other side. The woman with the paper gave him the nicest smile and then motioned for us to sit.

I was handed a paper with words that made my eyes blur and was asked to read it. I stared at it for a long moment and had to pick out the letters that I could understand and soon I had it figured out.

"The sun has set and it made the sea bleed. The screams still fill the air but know we are holding victory." I read jerky and cropped. I hide my accent when I read this and wanted to throw this paper on the floor and step on it. The woman shook her head softly and handed me another.

"_Vir Adahlen, da'len. Elgar'nan Then Elvhen."_ I said and my accent broke out and by the look on her face it looked like I just sung the most beautiful song on earth.

"What does it mean?" she asked.

"We say it to the young. Together we are stronger than the one, little child. _Elgar'nan_ watches for our People." I said hiding my accent. She took the parchment and handed me a quill and paper to write on.

"Write something, anything." She ordered. I looked at the paper and stared at it like it would catch on fire. In the end I ended up writing 'Conner has blonde hair and a clueless flat ear—but lethallin.'

She handed me another piece of parchment and told me to answer the questions on it. After a while I wanted to leave. So it went on until I was asked other questions that fell under what Eli said as people skills. After so long that I thought my arse was going to fall off they dismissed us.

"You both did wonderful." Illin said putting a shawl around my shoulders. I shrugged and went to rub my eyes but my hand was smacked away as Eli gave me a disapproving look.

We went through many other corridors and were told to wait by two huge grand doors. Conner was leaning against the wall and looked like he was going to fall asleep right there. We didn't have to wait long when Illin came back with the _shemlen_ man that reminded me of a hawk.

The man made a motion with his hand and the male servants that took care of Conner rushed forward and opened the doors. They opened without a sound and bright shafts of sunlight hit me in the face. He strode forward quickly and was half way down the cobble stone. I grabbed a handful of my skirt and hurried after the rest of the party members that had already followed him.

We ended up standing before a building that was almost like everyone else's. The _shemlen_ didn't wait for us and walked right into the place. We followed silently behind him. The shemlen talked to an elder woman and after a few moments she nodded and the man turned and went out the door again.

We then followed him to a bustling market place. There was merchants yelling out to people and making exaggerated motions to get your attention. Illin went up to the _shemlen_ with lowered eyes and her posture spoke submissive like any other. The _shemlen_ nodded and turned away letting us shop by ourselves.

Illin walked quickly over to us and grabbed our arms and the next thing I knew my eyes were full of dresses, shirts, breeches, shoes, jewelry, paintings and so many other things. I let myself be pulled into the rush of things.

As we shopped I saw how these _shemlen_ treated the _elvhen._ They were pulled and ordered around, some had to carry things that they couldn't see over, and all were yelled at. It was horrible to see- all of them had their heads down, shoulders down and they all looked _broken_. It made my breath catch in my throat and I had the feeling when I watched a dog get kicked. I stood still as people bumped into my shoulders as I looked on, I just wanted to cry for my people.

A few more hours of walking around the marketplace we stopped and listened to this priest go on and on about the forgotten gods. After a while of the endless shit sprouting from his mouth I turned away with disgust written all over my features. All that talk of them had my insides twisting churning and cramping with disgust and anger. After that Conner and I were led back to the beautiful castle of Lord Malachi.

When we were back we were fed and then rushed off to Conner's chambers. A woman and a man came into the room with papers and measuring things. I was measured every which way by the woman and Conner by the man. My mind was blank as the woman talked to Illin about the dress sizes and when they were going to be done.

After they left I sunk down onto the bed and Conner's weight joined mine on the bed soon. We just laid there with are faces pressed into the bed listening to each other's breathing. They let us stay like that for a little bit before Eli started to wash the stuff off my face and Illin set out breeches and a warm shirt. I got dress tiredly and we were led to a different part of the castle.

The smell of fire hit my nose before the sound of a hammer hitting metal.

"We're getting our armor?" I asked as I all but crawled down the corridor.

"We have the measurements for the armor and you're getting your weapons today." Eli said and I shared a smile with Conner.

A large_ durgen'len_ was working on a sword. The sharp sound of the hammer hitting the metal repeatedly and then an angry hiss when the glowing sword met freezing water rang in my sensitive ears before he turned to face us.

"I didn't hear you." The_ durgen'len_ said to one of the male servants.

"Darith!" The lad said with a smile on his face which made him look a lot younger.

"Gen." He said with a nod.

"Excuse me; we're here to give you the measurements for the armor and also for the weapon matching." Eli said glancing at the young lad. The _durgen'len_ turned his dark gaze to her and stayed there for a long moment before he nodded.

"This way." He said over his shoulder and leaned the hammer against the anvil. I followed him eagerly down a dark passage and walked into a big bright room with glow stones all around. Swords, bows, daggers and so many other weapons lined the walls- they glinted beautifully in the light and I turned slowly taking in the beauty of it.

"Wow." I breathed softly and the _durgen'len_ let out a bellow of laughter.

"Yes you could say that missy." He then clapped his hands and started speaking to Conner "I am going to start with you. You'll stand there and I will hand you a staff. Don't drop it and you will tell me if it feels right in your hands."

Conner stood still and watched his every movement and held the staffs that he was handed surely. He went though many staffs, at least ten, before he nodded and then the _durgen'len_ asked him a strange question.

"You can hear it speaking to you?"

"What do you mean?"

"You feel the vibrations of life in it?"

"Y-yes. It feels like it belongs in my hands and mine alone." Conner said softly looked at the carved birch wood in his hands. There was a sharp point at one side and on the other was an equally sharp point. It looked like two snakes were wrapping around the staff and if you looked even more closely you could see symbols in the space in between. Darith clapped him on the back and then turned to me.

I stood up straighter as his dark gaze burned into my flesh, he seemed to be searching for something and he seemed to have found it when he started walking to the opposite side of the room.

He handed me two white curved swords. The hilts were the perfect shape for my hands and it had small veins running through it. It had pale green wrappings to soften and help my grip. The blades were bright and reflected my surroundings perfectly. The blades curved after a little while, the perfect curve to help you plunge it into someone's waiting back. There were also symbols carved into the blade and by the feel of it there were runes carved into it too. The swords pulsed under my hands with power and seemed to leap and twirl and twist at my touch- as if it had been waiting for me forever.

"_Sulahn'era_ and _Elgar'vhenan._" I whispered to the chill air unaware of how my markings lit a little when I touched the swords.

"Aw the perfect fit. A scabbard will be brought to you tomorrow for them. And now the payment." He said and reached out his hand. Illin scowled and handed him a coin purse. The _durgen'len_ reached for the swords and I had to stop the way I wanted to keep _Sulahn'era_ and _Elgar'vhenan_ away from his hands, but I let him take them away.

Illin was mumbling under her breath about stupid dwarves and their greedy want of coin as they led us back to the chambers. When we got there I let my hair down and yawned a big open mouthed yawn when Eli handed me my nightgown. I blinked quickly and looked out the window- it was already dark which meant we had spent hours down there.

"A fruit will be sent to you for dinner and training will be like usual tomorrow." Eli said snapping on the chain linking me and Conner again. I nodded and slipped under the covers. My eyes were growing heavier and heavier and I was asleep by the time they came back with an apple and peach.

_Sulahn'era_- Singing tale

_Elgar'vhenan_- spirit heart

_Durgen'len_- dwarf

_Lethallin-_ similar to good friend or brother


	18. Chapter 18

"**It is not the strength of the body that counts, but the strength of the spirit." ~ J.R.R Tolkien**

Chapter seventeen

The _elvhen_ scoffed at the huge city before him. They had made it through the two week voyage and three hours of sitting on a merchant's wagon. Wynne handed him the waterskin which he put on his belt and took out a map from her own pouch.

"It will take us a few more hours of walking to get to this inn called Nitenshade," Wynne said with on hand rubbing her temples. "It will take us about two more hours."

"_Hahren_, we could rest for a while." The lad said taking in her frail olden form.

"We cannot even if these old bones ach." She said pocketing the map.

"Then let's stay the night at this inn." Suiadan said as his accent engulfed his words making it sound like a song.

The duo set off at an easy pace to the huge city Val Royeaux with a worried lad looking over to the crone. The elvhen took note of Orlais as they walked the well-worn path. Neither of the two spoke as their feet walked in rhythm. As hours later they walked into the city you could hear any yelling, only soft talking and other things. Everyone wore really fancy clothing; they all walked as if they were dancing. It was a big contrast to the lad's messy hair and Wynne's slow careful steps.

"This is the city of beauty?" He once again scoffed.

"Yes, it is." Wynne answered.

"Arlathan held much more beauty." He said with a sad note in his voice.

"And how do you know what Arlathan looks like? It was destroyed." Wynne said and all that met her statement was silence and steps picking up. The _elvhen_ looked somber deep in thought with his lips parted in a breath.

Once they got to Nitenshade Wynne leaned onto her staff as disgust marred the lad's face. Wynne walked over to the inn keeper and asked her soft spoken questions.

"Fourth room to the right." The woman said with a smile and pointed the way.

Wynne picked up the pace, a bounce in her steps and was about to knock on the door when she noticed the lad had stopped and watched as a blush burnt his ears. Wynne looked at him for a moment in amusement when what made him stop came to her old ears—giggles. Wynne shook her head and knocked three loud times.

"Hello?" a redhead said opening the door with just a blanket covering her and a flush on her face.

"Wynne!" she said the moment when she saw the kind woman.

"Leliana." Wynne said in response.

"Come in, come in." Leliana said opening the door wide and showed another _elvhen _that had bright blonde hair that was a contrast to the dark skin of his and hazel eyes.

"Zevran." Wynne said and took a seat as Suiadan stayed at the thrush hold of the room, a mask of coldness washed over the lad's face as he took in Zevran. Wynne motioned for him to come into the room and he stood behind her with his hands holding onto the chair with a death grip.

"It is a blessing to the Maker that both of you are here. We have urgent news . . . "

~O~ ~O~ ~O~

It was quite easy for Kj to find the dwarf, but soon he wish he did not. The dwarf was getting on his last nerve as they trekked up into the Frostback Mountains—and this was only day two. Sparks played at his fingertips as the dwarf kept talking and sipping his ale.

"Shut up!" Kj said turning around quickly stopping Oghren mid-sentence. The dwarf shook his head as sounds of boots made it known to the duo. Kj let out a laugh of relief and turned to the bandits—the perfect outlet of his building frustrations. He wished to the Maker that he never got this mission.

~O~ ~O~ ~O~

"This is it." I said tearing a chunk of bread with my teeth.

"Yes, it is. It'll be nice to be unchained from you." Conner said with a smile on his face.

"You don't mean that lethallin." I said throwing a piece of bread at him and it hit him on the shoulder.

"Ahhh; you have wounded me!" Conner said dramatically held his shoulder and pretended to be dead. I shook my head but a smile cracked itself on my face. Much has changed in the past two weeks. I had gotten closer to Conner after one night he woke up to me crying from a nightmare. After that things just fell into place- almost like brother and sister. I had started teaching him how to speak our language but he couldn't speak a word of it- but he has started understanding it. Conner was now my new hold of sanity since my shadow man hasn't been able to come around.

"What, too much?" he said laughing.

"Yes." I said pushing the leg of his chair with my foot.

"Come on, training is about to start." Gen- the male servant of Conner said. I glanced a knowing look to Illin behind him; she was looking at Gen with goo-goo eyes. Her ears burned at my look but smiled at me. Yes much has changed- I now had much deeper bonds here.

I got up and grabbed _Sulahn'era_ and _Elgar'vhenan_ from beside me and strapped them to my back. Conner followed suit and we made our way to the training yard. At times I still got lost around here but I now knew the way from the small dining room to the training yard.

Ziy'ha stood talking to many others. Two qunari- one male one female stood listening intently. To whatever the _shemlen_ was sprouting. They looked to be twins. They both had silver hair and violet eyes. They also had they typical bronze skin that their kind was known for. The man had a huge great sword strapped to his back with something carved into the scabbard. The woman also had a sword strapped to her back, which was unusual for a female qunari. They believed greatly that no female could bear arms or fight.

Two _durgen'len_ stood beside the qunari. One had the palest skin I ever seen and light blonde hair that barely went to her ears. She had red eyes that spoke of something demonic. The other was like the night- all dark and shadows. Dark skin, dark hair but he also had piercing red eyes. The elvhen mage from before was there too but you could tell she wasn't paying attention. Another man stood with them, he was tall older than the others, a _shemlen_. He poured gloom from his form. He also was unusual, he had hair the darkest color but I swear it was purple! I rubbed my eyes and took a double take- his hair was really purple! He also had pink eyes that at the moment were glaring at me and Conner.

"There they are. You're late." Ziy'ha said also glaring at us.

"Only by a second." I said returning the glare. The mage woman came forth and undid our bindings and took in our forms.

"This is your new family. Welcome to our order." The mage said taking a step back.

"Not yet! They have not been tested!" Ziy'ha spit. Had we not have enough tests?

"You know our skills." Conner said with annoyance dancing over his features.

"Who is leader here? Hmm. Me, now-"she said advancing.

"Let it go—they have already proven themselves." The mage snapped. Ziy'ha turned her almond eyes to the mage and was about to open her mouth when the dwarves spoke.

"If they can get—"

"Past us, then it'll be shown." Ziy'ha nodded and turned away. I took in the dwarves built but they all looked the same to me. One had an axe the other a huge hammer.

"So it shall be." I said and changed my stance and felt Conner move to a better position at my side.

"It is not a physical test but a mental one." The dark one said walking towards us.

"Siallin, would you please get some lyrium for us?" The lighter one said turning her red eyes to us. The mage nodded and walked away.

After a few moments they motioned for us to set down our weapons, my hands hesitated on the pommels of my weapons and glanced at Conner. Conner had already set his beautifully carved staff on to the sand and was taking his shirt off. I sighed slowly put them down and plopped down beside them. The lighter one motioned for me to also take off my shirt. I raised an eyebrow at her but did as I was asked.

Soon Siallin the mage was back and handed them two bottles of lyrium. The two went to work quickly and made some kind of paste. They put the paste on my forehead and behind my neck and chest, shoulders and feet. They set the thing that looked like an incent holder and its content on fire. Smoke took over my scenes and I was told to take deep breaths. I bit my lip and took my last look at Conner before I closed my eyes and took deep calm breaths. Slowly ever so slowly I felt my physical body lose its ties and my mind went to the beyond.

The beyond was cold and strange, the place I was at looked twisted. I walked around slowly and rubbed my cold arms. I was wearing some strange clothing, it was white and soft. The skirt only reached mid-thigh and the edges were lined in gold. My hair was fanning around me and my shirt was a gold lined breast band. I walked quickly to the small pond and knelt down to look at myself.

I gasped as I looked upon myself. My markings were glowing making it look like I was raiding light from the inside of me. A golden head band was upon my head, it had beautiful carvings in it. Two feathers were twisted into my hair and my bangs were pulled away from my face. I turned my face away from the pond and noticed a white shawl; it was made of wolves' fur. I bit my lip and pulled it onto my shoulders.

I wondered around for a bit before I was encountered by this purple skinned person, it took me a moment to figure out that it was a desire demon but it was something different. _It was male_.

"Your heart aches." It whispered and was suddenly beside me whispering in my ear.

"I can give you what you want, even if you don't recognize it yet." It's warm breath blew upon my ear making it twitch.

"I don't make deals with demons." I said strongly.

"Ah but you have already." It said chuckling and moved away.

"I have not!" I growled to him.

"You are on the path of doing so. And from what I see your heart bleeds if you do so. Your heart is killing you." He said and was behind me running his hands through my hair. I jerked away from his touch and glared at him.

"You know nothing. Now be gone before I evoke the words of my people." I said.

"Your gods have forsaken you. Now that you have submitted they will turn their eyes away. And how can they do anything when they are caged? Hmmm?" he said. He was toying with me.

"But I can still give you what you want. A family; a mother, a father, a mate and child. You can get rid of those markings. You can stop the pain that's to come. And you can have what you want most of all; acceptance. You can be who you are." He purred. I shook my head quickly- I wanted none of those things.

"I don't make deals with demons!" I said and knelt down and threw a rock at him. Okay I must say that I was just a little impulsive and stupid to do that. To my surprise he laughed and then danced and brought a swarm of purple things at me. I glanced quickly around me and dove to the shallow pond to avoid the sharp bites of these demonic bugs. The water was cold and soon I was placing my body under its soft layers. I held my breath and turned to see the swarm stop above me. I pushed my hands through the water and a cascade of water went with the motion taking the bugs out. I had to do that for a few minutes and by the time I was able to come from the water I was gasping and choking.

"Is that all you got?!" I laughed to the demon and knelt down and picked up a handful of rocks and started chucking them at the demon. After a few moments of him dodging he stopped.

"You have passed the test." I he declared and made a slashing motion with his hand. My vision went black and I quickly was thrown back into my body. I gasped and turned over. There were words spoken but I couldn't understand them. I turned to my elbows and a groan pulled from my throat.

"Hold her hair! She's gonna be sick!" a voice said and someone grabbed my hair just in time as my guts decided to paint the sand. My throat kept convulsing even after all the contents of my stomach was out.

"I… Hate…This." I said once I was able to sit up, my face was bright red and tears were blurring my vision even though they weren't falling.

"Fajra are you okay?" Conner said feeling my forehead.

"I'm fine." I snapped and got up quickly.

"If it makes you feel any better I couldn't hold my food either." He said handing me a waterskin. I drank greedily and handed back after four long pulls.

"These two are Huren and Naska," Ziy'ha pointed to the qunari. "Hades, Kiko, and Fin. And you already know Siallin." She pointed to the purple haired man and the two _durgen'len _and the mage.

"Now welcome to the order." Huren said grinning like a little child. I sighed and turned my head to the sky and with surprise noticed that it was no longer morning but the sun was leaving. My body even if my mind knew what time it was. I glanced to Ziy'ha and wished that we didn't have to have training today. As if she knew what I was thinking she turned and spoke to us.

"Training is over today." She said and everyone turned and started leaving; only Conner sat beside me.

"You go on ahead. I'll be there in a moment." I said turning my face away. He looked at me with concern but got up and started walking away. I turned on to my stomach and closed my eyes.

~O~ ~O~ ~O~

Okay I knew I should have done what she said but I couldn't help it. She had looked so worn out and well vulnerable. She had that look only when she awoke from a night terror. My mind popped up an image of her crying, how her hair was messy with sleep and how the bags under her eyes were dark and her light brown eyes were blurred with tears. I shook my head and stopped in my tracks—I couldn't just leave her! Not as vulnerable as she was, and wasn't that what family did? Look out for each other.

I turned in my tracks and started walking back to where she lay. I was about to step into the clearing when the sound of footsteps hitting sand met my ears. I quickly walked over to a tree to conceal myself even though I knew I wasn't really good at it. I took off my staff and placed it against the tree and peered from the limps of the huge tree.

A cloaked man approached Fajra and I felt my heart come up to my throat, I was about to run out of my hiding spot like an idiot I was when she turned and sat up.

"You're here. I had almost thought you have forgotten about me." She said with her accent that she always tried to hide; it was almost like a hidden tune. The now rising moon shone its light on what was happening. The man shook his head and knelt beside her. Her eyes watched his movements but she didn't move.

"How could I forget you? You plague my mind every moment." The voice almost made me jump. It sounded familiar.

"Ha." She huffed and ran her hair through her hair that had fallen out of its binds.

"I missed you." He said and I wanted to scream.

"I missed you too." She said and she wrapped her thin arms around his frame.

"I hope so." The man rumbled and swept her into his lap.

"May I finally see who you are? Please." She asked moving her face away from his neck.

"No." he said with firmness.

"Well why not? You see my face why can't I see your own?" she asked with a pout pulling at her soft lips.

"Well you can't be that ugly." She said after a moment of silence. He laughed softly and leaned down to place a kiss to her lips. I turned my face away but the sounds still came to my ears, damned ears. Heavy breaths and a soft gasp made my want to pull my hair out. Slowly I turned to see them breaking apart and I could see her flushed face. Then quick as lightening her small hands, the hands that should belong to a scholar, reached out and pulled his hood down. Her gasp filled my clearing. The man that came to visit her was the one and only Lord Malachi.

"No." she said and shook her head.

"Yes." He said and cupped her face, the one that was branded into her, and the one that was also branded into me.

"No! You . . . you're evil. You're a demon and you took my people and so much more. You're a liar!" she cried. Malachi sighed softly and pulled her closer to his being against her will.

"You are going to accept it one way or another. Better sooner than later for you are mind. Hear that? Your mine and mine alone." He said and placed a kiss upon her brow and got up leaving her in the sand.

"Oh Creators." She whispered to the night once he was gone and I was about to leap up to her and do whatever it was I could to help her when she got up grabbed her weapons and fled to the castle.

I turned and hit my head on a tree limb. I looked up to the moon and curse. I starred at that moon for a long time before a thought came to my mind.

There has to be away to escape.

I was going to take Fajra away from here one way or another.


	19. Chapter 19

"**Keep running until you feel like you can't run no more; don't stop."**

Chapter Eighteen

Anger, rage and guilt ran through me as I walked, no fled the clearing and raced down the corridors of _his_ home.

Anger at myself for I had let him help me. Anger for my own stupidity, how could I have never pieced together all the information he gave me? My steps slowed all but a crawl. Anger for running away, guilt for _liking_ him. Guilt for how I responded to him, to the demon that slaughtered my clan and city. I shook my head quickly and started at my normal strides.

I was about to make it to my room when footsteps hitting the floor picked up pace and stopped beside me. I turned to look at Gen, Conner's man servant.

"Where is Conner?" He asked looked over my shoulder.

"The dining room?" I guessed.

"No, he is not there." Gen said annoyance marring his face.

"Well where else—"I said.

"I am here Gen." Conner cut in smoothly and came up behind the boy.

"I am here to inform both of you that your rooms have been changed to a different location." He said and turned away. I glanced up at Conner and found him watching me. Sudden panic filled me; did he know I was dirtied by Malachi? I squashed that thought quickly there was no way he could have known.

I walked briskly behind Gen and ignored how Conner's blue green eyes burned on my back. I was just upset—that's why I was hyper aware of Conner's eyes. Gen led us through corridors that I had never walked through, but that didn't say much when I didn't even know a little bit of this place.

Gen stopped by an old door and stepped back and bowed a sarcastic bow.

"Here are both of your new rooms." He said starkly. I stood a step forward and pushed in the door. The room was small and there were no windows. There was one nightstand with a lit candle on it brightening the room. There were three small beds shoved into the small space with our things on them. On the left hand side of the room Siallin was reading a book and ignoring us.

"I am no longer in your services. Goodbye." Gen said and walked off with a bounce in his steps.

"You have to be kidding me." I muttered and walked over to my newly appointed bed which happened to be in the middle. I set my swords gently against the wall beside the bed and carefully placed my body on the bed as if it would fall in. The bed creaked with my weight and my pillow was as flat as they came. My gaze found a water stain on the ceiling and didn't move from it.

"Are you okay?" Conner asked almost making me jump.

"I'm fine." I bit out and turned my body away.

"Why do you think they moved us?" He asked not taking the hint.

"They are moving all the _elvhen_ no matter the rank to show us who is in charge." Siallin said placing down her book and snuffed out the light.

A few moments passed of just their soft breaths and one deepened into slumber. The bed beside me creaked and the person on the other bed tossed and then turned, again and again as if he could find the perfect spot to fall asleep on. I held back a sharp snort and shook my head; he had to want something with how much noise he was making. And sure enough he was talking softly.

"Share your bed with me."

"No. This bed won't hold us both." I said and placed an arm over my eyes.

"Then we place the beds together." No sooner the words were out of his mouth, he was pulling my bed to his. I sat up startled as he did so but didn't move.

"You're such a baby." I said once the beds were in place.

"Yeah and you have to just suck it up." He said placing his body back down. I could feel the warmth of him beside me and soon his breaths deepened into slumber too and he turned over and pulled me closer.

"Childish _lethallin_." I said softly and just listened to the sounds around me dreading when my eyelids would give way.

The next day it was Siallin that woke us both up. Just seconds upon waking she shoved a small loaf of bread at me.

"There has been a change of cooks and guards." Siallin said carefully as she watched me and Conner untangle ourselves. I ate a little bit of the bread before I brushed my teeth and dug up a long sleeved shirt and breeches. Conner made a sound behind me as I started shedding my clothing.

"Conner have you not been chained to me for long enough to get used to having to change in front of the other?" wiggling into an oversized shirt.

"You look like a _da'len_ like that." Siallin said softly as I reached for the pants. I snorted softly. And so with wrapped feet we started off to the training grounds.

"What do you think we will be doing today?" Conner asked as we came closer to the training grounds.

"You will be tested in your stamina . . . and there is something important you need to know." Siallin said and we all paused in our steps.

"What?" I said with a scowl, everything was changing again- I hated change.

"This is the last time you will train as partners. Your training has been ordered to be separated." She continued as we stepped onto the sand. We were standing in a good foot of snow and I held myself tightly against the sharp freezing gusts of wind.

"You can't do that!" Conner protested with lightening sparking from his hands. Siallin looked him right in the eye and started speaking again.

"It has already been ordered, we do what we must. You will be training with Fin, Kiko and I. Fajra will be training with Ziy'ha, Hades, Naska and Huren from this point on." She said firmly. The lightening grew louder around his hands and brightened.

"Calm down Conner. All is fine." I said reaching for his arm. The lightening sparked more and I moved my hand away; I had forgotten that I was like lyrium to him.

"They can't just order us around like this!" He snarled. I bit my lip hard as Ziy'ha spoke.

"Yes we can. We are superior to your kind. You are _mancipia __**and you will act like it**_! Know your place!" She said looking down her nose at us.

"You know us naught! You have not seen the true _elvhen_ and once you do you will be shaking in your _shemlen_ boots crying for mercy!" I said stepping forward.

"Back down." She growled with hate in her almond eyes.

"One day I will bring a sword through your gut and you will cry for all the _elvhen_ blood you spilled, this I swear to the Creators. You will know our wrath." I growled and I felt the angry head of the monster inside of me roar, it wanted blood and by its own accord I felt my markings burn. Ziy'ha took a step forward and was about to speak when one of the qunari spoke.

"It is useless to spill blood, no duel will come today." Naska said putting her hand on Ziy'ha's shoulders. Huren started putting some kind of weights on my arms and legs; Conner was still glaring when Huren did the same to him.

"You will be running and dodging the arrows heading for you, there are blue colored markers you are to follow. The run is about four miles. I wish you the both the best of luck." Huren said and my mouth went dry as he stepped back to the sidelines with his sister.

"Four miles that's suicide." I said to Conner.

"It's good to know you have faith." He said and then got an impish look and a grin broke on his face. "I bet you that I'll get there first!" He cried and was off.

"No fair!" I yelled after him and started jogging after him.

"You're slower than a slug!" he called and I widen my stride.

"What will that make you when I beat you?" I gasped as arrows flew from the sky.

"The best elf in the world!" he said with laughter. I snorted softly through my nose as I kept side stepping from the arrows. Once I caught up to him I pushed him lightly.

"Only in your dreams." I laughed softly and turned my head to look at him. He had the biggest grin on his face showing off bright white teeth. His red hair that only reached to the middle of his neck was out of its bindings and whipping around his face. The golden ear ring jingled as we ran and the light made it shine. His bright blue green eyes were bright with joy of the run. I picked up the pace and was whipping my arms fast with my breath gasping out, the cold sunk into my lungs making my mouth dry and my nose run. The snow melted into my wrapped feet and my long sleeved shirt was wrapped around me like a python.

"We . . . really . . . should . . . . . pace our . . . selves." I gasped out as we as one dodged the arrows again.

"Nah. . . We . . . can make it!" he said glancing at me.

"Not . . . at this . . . pace. Have . . . you . . . ever run. . .even one . . . mile?" I gasped out and my feet hit the ground with the words.

"No~ooo." He sung jumping over a log. I huffed in response. Ever so slowly with the weighs slowing us down and the lack of running before so we ended up started to lag. Our feet hit snow covered ground in rhythm, our breathing the same ragged sounds. I held my side as it started to ache.

"How many more do we have to go?" He asked stopping. I shrugged as he determined which way the marker pointed.

"Do we really have to go that way?" he wined and I turned to look at what he was looking at. It was a corn field, a big dead corn field. Dead stocks stuck up from the mud and snows making it have a sinister feel to it. There was no way we would even be about to see over the stocks to see if anything was even in the field.

"There will be snakes in there." Conner whispered.

"And other animals." I said equally soft and moved quickly to a leaning tree tall enough for me to see over the field.

"Give me a boost." I said reaching up and stretched my back to try to get to the nearest tree branch.

"Fine, as long as you don't fall." Conner said linking his hands together and bent down to help me up.

"Have some faith will ya?" I said but a smile graced my lips as I balanced on the limb and sprung to the next one and wanted to laugh at how Conner made a hissing sound when I did so. I held tightly onto another branch above me and leaned forward and my smile fell.

There were many things in the field. Drakes, Lamiae, Jengu, Jotnar, Bean-Nighe, Cynocephalus, and shades. They milled everywhere on those dead stocks and our path was to cut straight through them, the blue markers were bright against the cold marsh like ground. Gladly the path led away from the beast of night terrors.

"I have good news and bad." I called down to Conner.

"Can't be that bad." He said leaning against the tree.

"The good news is that I can see our path, bad news is we have to sneak across a field full of monsters." I said looking down at him.

"Well shit," He cursed "do we have to go that way?"

"We can go around the field." I said with a impish grin.

"Good let's do that."

"As if we would do anything so suicidal, these _shemlen_ must think we are stupid." I said slowly letting my body fall, Conner easily caught me before my feet touched the ground and placed me gently down like I was a glass doll. I walked out of his grasp like nothing and started walked quietly to the left of the field.

"How big do you think the field is?" Conner asked as he followed my foot prints.

"It is at least two miles big." I said glancing back at him, you could tell that he was no hunter the way he placed his feet, how he walked. I shook my head softly.

"Let's hope we don't get killed." I said more softly.

"Ha! Us killed?! Have faith Fajra." He said equally soft.

"_Loco_." I muttered and we continued to slink around the field in silence until Conner decided to just slip and craaaaaaack, there went our cover. We stayed in place for a second disbelieve mirrored on both of our faces and then a yell sounded off and footsteps came closer. I grabbed Conner's hand and was off like a deer- forget cover we needed to get out of here!

Shouts were behind us and I had a bad feeling pool in my stomach. Conner held my hand tightly and glanced back. Glancing back is what was the first of many mistakes when on the run but I found myself doing the same as Conner. A band of jengu was running behind us, well more like jogging.

"Speak! Anything! Don't let their voices reach your ears!" I cried to Conner and he gave me a confused look.

"Why?" he asked.

"Their voices will choke you." I said but my mind brought up the memory of the slaughter and how the jengu's voice constricted my breathing and how Ashalle struck the water spirit down.

"What is there to yell?" Conner asked as they started to open their mouths.

"Anything! Mar a tháinig mé síos trí Chathair Bhaile Átha Cliath

Ag an uair an chloig de dhá cheann déag san oíche." I cried out as it was the first thing that popped into my mind.

"What are you singing?!" Conner asked once again looking behind him.

"Qui autem video Domina Antiven

Lavit pedes umbra!" I sung but in a different language as my papa once sung to me.

"Use the common tongue please!" he said as he tightened his hold my hand, they were gaining ground and singing too.

"First she washed them, then she dried them

Over a fire of amber coal—"

"—in all my life I ne'er did see

A maid so sweet about the sole~." He picked up when I took a breath.

"Whack for the toora lady~."

"Whack for the toora loora lay~."

"Whack for the toora lady~."

"Whack for the toora loora lay~." And so we gasped as we ran singing the rest of the song extremely loud all but yelling. Once they got to close I spun to hit one of them in the jaw with the weight tied to my wrist and winced as it made a crunching sound. Conner was singing the next verse as I did so.

"CATCHING A MOTH IN A GOLDEN NET~." I sung as Conner sent out chain lightening.

"SHULE, shule, shule, aroon

Shule ga succir agus, shule ga kewn~." I sung as we as one picked off a few that got to close.

"Shule ga surrus aggus aylig lume

Shule, shule, shule aroon~." He sang as we jumped over a log.

"Iss guh day thoo avorneen slawn

I wish I was on yonder hill~" and so we yelled and sung crazily as we ran from the monsters at our back. They hit us a few times but the weight of the metal tied to me and Conner's magic kept them at bay. Soon I forgot about how cold I was or how the mud caked my body and how the cold hit me in the lungs, only the need to flee took over my being.

"DON'T TELL ME MA~" we shouted throwing ourselves down the side of the small incline with mud making us tumble down faster. Arrows barely missed my head as I stopped falling, my heart that was already beating too fast picked up and my breath came out as a strangled sound, white mist flew from my mouth from the cold. Conner tugged my hand and we started crawling back like mad crabs.

The monsters let out a howl and their faces all blurred together making them all one thing. I let out a hysterical laugh because they couldn't go any further, there was a magical barrier stopping them!

"We're almost there!" I cried and was running like a mad person with Conner holding my hand still. We were sprinting, running right through mud puddles and many other things and somehow on our mad dash I lost a foot wrapping. We made sharp turns and tripped over silly things, and we were still running!

The clearing was like seeing the sun after months without it, like breath to a suffocating person. We all but flew forgetting out other team mates waiting.

"WOOOO!"

"AHOOOWHOOO!" we cried as one and let myself fall onto the cold sand and my ragged breath whooshed out of my lungs. Conner ended up getting dragged down with me because our hands were linked together and he was chuckling beside me.

"We made it." He whispered and seemed to have forgotten all the other people.

"Yes it seems so." I silkily voice said that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up, it was _his voice_. I turned my head to see his boots and ever so slowly I turned my head up so see his legs, then his hips, his _bare_ chest that showed off a few scars that were glistening in the sun from sweat. His golden hair framed his face making him look like an angle and he was wearing a smile not unlike a cat playing with its prey. . .


	20. Chapter 20

"Wish time could be rewound; there is so much I need to say."

Chapter Nineteen

My heart went to my throat as I met his red and blue eyes. _Please_ I prayed _let his gaze turn away and leave us alone._ But it seems I didn't get my wish for his smile became wider.

"You are late." Ziy'ha said leaning off his arm. Her cheeks were flushed and she was glaring at me as if I personally did something wrong to her. She was pressing herself into his side and I wondered why she would do that. Was she cold or something? Did she want his attention that bad to press her sweaty self to him?

"You didn't give them a time to be finished." Malachi said barely glancing at her. Her face became brighter and she glared more at me. Unbeknownst Conner was also glaring and moved closer to me.

"Yes, you are right." She said glancing up at him through her eyelashes. I raised an eyebrow and made a face to Conner; he only shook his head and started getting up. I unhooked our hands and tightened my hair bindings and was surprised when a pale hand quickly _took_ my hair bindings letting my hair fall down my body like a water fall.

My head shot up making my long bangs tumble down the sides of my face to meet the gaze of Malachi. He raised a golden eyebrow and once again he smiled that smile that likes a cat with its prey. He turned away giving me a perfect view of his broad shoulders and back, and to say that I didn't look was a lie.

"Are you okay? Your face is getting red." Huren inquired and I felt my face heat up more at his comment.

"I'm perfectly fine." I said turning my gaze to him instead.

"God I hate elves!" Ziy'ha spat and left stomping her feet. I blinked at her statement and gave Conner a 'what in the world' look but he was lost in his own thoughts.

"Are we to train?" I asked Huren and he laughed.

"Nope you are off to the baths!" he said making a face at our messy appearances, Conner smiled at that. I gladly turned and walked slowly to the bathing area, at least that didn't change.

Once there I stripped my clothes as fast as I could and all but dived into the water. It was nice and cold on my flushed skin, I smiled and let myself sink into the water. The water rushed over my face and body only leaving some untouched. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the water. My skin was starting to become wrinkled so I quickly scrubbed myself clean and got out.

I looked down on my mud clad clothes and shook my head, my eyes searched for anything I could wear but the only thing there was, was a towel. I sighed and tucked the towel around my body and started cleaning my clothes the best I could. Once done I started off to my room.

I draped my wet clothes around the room to dry and started drying off when my eyes caught the note on my bed which was still shoved next to Conner's.

_Meet me in the clearing we found a few days ago._

_~Conner_

I shook my head at the note and grabbed a warm shirt and breeches and padded my way out of the castle with guards watching my every step ready to run me through. These new guards made gooseflesh run over my arms and I ended up looking over my shoulders a lot.

The wind was soft but cold on my still damp skin sweeping my hair away from my face as I followed the markers we set up when we found this place. I kept jumping at the sound of the guard that kept following me. I took a deep cold breath and told myself that it was okay, Malachi just didn't want his _mancipias _to get away.

I let a sigh of relief when I came into the clearing and stood still taking in the place. The sun was setting in the beautiful colors of orange, pink and many other colors. It set fire to the small stream and made it sparkle. The snow glistened but was melting showing a little bit of cold grass.

Conner was sitting on a large rock looking up to the sky. The sun also set his graceful features aglow; his lips were parted in a calm smile. I felt my heart lighten as I looked at him. His red hair looked even redder and it was flying softly around his face and his golden ear ring jingled with the wind.

I walked silently behind him and up the large rock and stopped just an inch away from him.

"Boo." I spoke softly and giggled when he whipped around with surprise.

"You shouldn't so that!" He said but was smiling too.

"You say that now. Wait until you do it to someone." I said plopping down beside him and took the bowl of soup he handed me. We sat beside each other in silence just listening to the guard on the outskirts of the clearing and the stream gurgle its melody and the wind play. As the stairs started peeking out and I was almost done with the stew I got the guts up to ask him a few questions.

"Why were you in the city? There was no circle of magi there." I said looking at the sky.

"I had begged the senior enchanter to let me come with the others. We were there to talk to the king. It took him forever to allow me to go but in the end he saw the wisdom of letting me go with—or just got tired of me begging him." he said slowly.

"What was your name before . . . ?"

"Enrick Surana. Why?" He answered glancing at me.

"No real reason, just wanted to know . . . may I ask you another question?"

"Haha. I'm not really interesting, but you may." He said.

"Why do you wear that earring?" I asked looking away. After a while I thought he wasn't going to answer so I just finished my soup.

"It was given to me by my mother . . . it is the only thing I have of her. I was taken to the circle around the age of five. The only thing I remember of her is her blue green eyes filled with tears." He said sadly.

"I . . . am sorry for asking such a question." I said turning my body towards him, he gave me a smile and shrugged.

"Now I get you ask you questions." He said smiling; I bit my lip in response.

"Depends, but go ahead."

"What was _your_ name before all this?"

"Doesn't matter—the past is dead." I said touching the brand on my face.

"No fair! Fine . . . hmm . . . give me a moment. . . . Ah why do you wear the necklace if the past is dead?"

"It was given to me by an important friend." I said slowly hiding the necklace.

"If you could leave this place would you?" he asked with a glint in his eyes that I didn't understand.

"No, there is nowhere else for me to go. This is all I have now so I will try to do the best I can with it." I said surprising myself and him.

"I . . . never thought of it like that." He said slowly and looked away. I pressed my lips together and looked at the bowl in my small hands.

"We must do what we must." I said sadly.

"Yes you are right." He said heavily and got up and taking my bowl. I watched him leave through my lashes and turned to the water.

Many minutes passed of me just sitting looked up at the sky before I moved. I threw a few pebbles into the stream and listened to it plunk into the water.

"Am I making the right choice accepting this?" I asked looking to the moon.

"Am I? Please . . . I don't want this life." I said throwing the pebbles as hard as I could into the stream.

"I hope you die." I whispered to the image in the stream and turned away.


	21. Chapter 21

"We break we fall, in all we are we."

Chapter twenty

The group of two humans and elvhens made it to the boat okay with only a little bit of one sided hatred and tension. It was the second week of the voyage that things went downhill fast.

Wynne the _shemlen_ healer got sick, for hours and hours she would be in the bed sweating and giving Leliana, Zevran and me these _kinds, comforting_ smiles and saying that she was alright. The next day she passed on into the Beyond just _**two days**_ before we were designated to port.

The next day I snapped as Zevran whistled and joked around, white hot rage filled my being and there I was hitting him over and over. Hitting him for everything he did wrong, for leaving all that was important, for being arse. Many had to pull me off him laughing with their ale smelling breathes. These _shemlen_ make me sick.

"Suiadan calm down!" the red head said covering Zevran with her body. The rage wouldn't let me go and only picked up as I met his hazel eyes.

"You have a real bad thing for redheads don't you." I sneered as his hazel eyes hardened with anger and repressed pain.

"Stop!" Leliana snapped before Zevran could say anything and looked at me with tears in her _shemlen _eyes. I just turned on my heel and set off to the front of the boat looking at the approaching land, we would have to track down the mage and find this Morrigan.

~O~ ~O~ ~O~

I have been avoiding her, the best I could when you share a room, and it was scary how well it worked. Dred filled my stomach ever since that night that we talked and I asked her that question. She was giving up . . . and I had no idea how to help her.

I shook my head roughly and concentrated on the fire ball I was throwing at Siallin. My robe which was folded down to allow my chest some air was filled with sweat as I jabbed my staff out in the motion to stab something and fire flew out of the air and towards her.

Two weeks ago, the night after I talked with her I started making the plan to escape. After lots of prodding I found that mutiny was in the air and that's why there was new staff people and guards. Siallin has been giving me hints, tonight there is some sort of meeting and I'm planning on going. I already have a lie baked up if something goes wrong. I hope to the Maker that nothing goes wrong.

Siallin made the motion for me to go again, I was to try to break her elemental shield which was proving harder then thought. I held lightly to the staff in my hands and concentrated on pulling the connection to the fade and watched with glee as the fireball grew and spun in an arc and made cracks in the shield.

"Again!" she called and I sighed and wiped the sweat from my brow. Again and again I pulled the fireball into life. My heart was a steady pound against my chest and my breath was slow and steady. I knew what I was doing; I was made for this—to wield magic to my bidding.

"Are you okay?" Naska's voice carried over the distance to where I and Siallin were working. I glanced over to the small commotion and felt my stomach drop.

~O ~O~ ~O~

I gasped holding my stomach and this loud ringing in my ears deafened me. Pain was everywhere; it felt as if someone had set me on fire and then threw lightening on me. I pressed my face into the sand holding tightly to the wound.

My heart was beating faster than it ever was and I felt my warm blood seep over my fingers. I bit my lip to hold in my cry of pain when someone pushed me back into an upright sitting motion.

"I'm okay, I'm okay," I gasped out without looking at them "I just didn't dodge fast enough. No harm done." I said as I watched Ziy'ha smirk at my statement.

"You know the rules, no harming them." Huren said to Ziy'ha.

"You heard what she said, she's too slow." She gloated. Siallin shook her head and gave me a stern look while healing the wound.

"See all's well." I said glancing at Conner and looked away. It seemed that he finally found out how bad of a person I was, oh well I didn't _need_ him I can make my own way without people. I got up and picked up my fallen swords.

"Trainings over anyway, let's go eat." Ziy'ha said turning away. I kept my back to them so I didn't have to watch them leave and looked to the sky. I waited until they were gone before I started for the small clearing.

I limped to the clearing quickly and sat down gently and placed my feet in the stream. Over the past two weeks I have been running to here to clear my head, to stay away from Conner. I started cleaning my swords with care and smiled as the rain started to fall down, it didn't matter to me that it was winter and I was freezing cold or that the rain was just as cold.

I placed the swords down and stripped my clothes off and went to the deepest part of the stream which came to a good level. I placed my hand over my head and tipped my head back and sighed softly.

"You'll be gone soon, and I will gladly take your place." Her words rang in my ears and it once again brought confusion to me, also to why she would put poison on her sword. I could feel it moving through my blood and was almost glad for it.

I hummed softly and started dancing in the water and pictured that this was the fire pit and one of the _hahren_ were playing the flute or something. I was too caught up with what I was doing that I didn't hear the footsteps and only knew someone was there when they touched my bare shoulder.

I turned and gasped as I took in the form of Malachi. The water was running down his hair making it stick to his head and his eyes pierced me. The rain glided off his bare chest and into his breeches. I felt a blush burn me and stepped back.

"It's okay. I'm not a monster." He said soberly and I shook my head.

"Yes you are you're a demon and your evil." I snapped back and stepped away from his touch.

He scowled and I felt fear claw at me "I haven't chosen to be a demon. Do you think I want to be one? Do you think I like this? I have told you a lot of things about me before I even showed you my face. Now that you do your afraid, I am the same person that visited you, that gave you food when all they gave you was fucking bread."

I sighed and looked away; I looked to the water engulfing my hips, and how it parted around my body and slowly looked up to his face. He had a hurt look on his face that made me catch my breath.

"I'm afraid." I said softly looking away again.

"You don't have to, I am here for you. I am the only one who is ever going to be here for you." He said and reached out to me and I let him. I didn't fight him as his arms wrapped around me and his body pressed into my own. I gladly felt his warmth and held him as the rain fell down upon us.

"Don't ever be afraid of me." He said combing his fingers through my hair. I nodded and pressed my face closer to his body. We stayed like that for a while and it was really comfortable, I could have stood there for years if I could have. He stepped back and I looked up to him with confusion plain on my face.

"I have to go, I will meet you here morrow after training." He said as he leaned down and stole a kiss from my lips. I missed his butterfly touch and my breath caught as I was engulfed by is warmth and then he was gone and I was left alone in the water.

**A/n: check out this awesome fanart on devaintart: chatterbox010 . /art/What-I-Lost- 366846856?q=gallery%3Achatterbox010&qo=0**

**Take out the spaces **


	22. Chapter 22

"Drunks are the worst" -Kj

Chapter Twenty-One

I glanced about the corridors, left, and right, left again. I pulled the cloak tighter around my frame and I could feel the absence of my staff that was usually strapped to my back.

I took a quick silent shuttering breath and told myself to calm down. My fear was so thick around me you could cut it with a knife. I stepped quickly and silently down the side corridor praying to the Maker that no guards would turn and see me.

I jumped at any little sound and was fidgeting about when I came to the door. I knocked three and then two quick times and waiting with my fear mounting in height. They could turn around any moment and drag me away and everything would be ruined. The plan, the munity. No I had to be careful.

So slowly the door opened showing bright blonde hair and blue eyes. The elf looked down at me threatening and so I opened my mouth and uttered the words Siallin told me to.

*"_R-revas ar lethallin."_ I stuttered over and the words fell choppily from my tongue.

*"_Eth ar falon."_ He responded with a smile and opened the door wider for me to go through. As we walked I kept glancing back but forced my feet to keep moving. The other _elvhen_ easily past my pace and I had to all but jog to keep up.

The lamp moved with each step he took casting light on the stone walls making our shadows move a twist. He didn't speak as we walked quickly but that was fine. I was perfectly fine with silence. You get use to silence in the circle. I shook my head and told myself I would linger on those thoughts some other night.

*"_ Lethallin lethallan sulahn'nehn an eth_!" a woman spoke and whatever noise there was died and was replaced by small cheers. The woman was standing on top of a natural ledge and was in servant clothes.

"We come for freedom and freedom we will have! If we made it through the enslavement before we can do it again! We are the last and we shall never submit!" More cheers met her words and I gawked at the amount of _elvhen_ here.

I once again glanced back to the tunnel we had walked through and worried that the guards would hear all this. The man beside me laughed and patted me on the back.

"They won't ever hear us we're too deep into the ground." He said and turned back to the woman. She waved her left hand and every one scattered to different areas. I gently tugged on my cloak in nervousness and started for the woman.

By the time I had waded through the _elvhen_ here the woman already had so many around her that I was starting to doubt that I would be able to get a word in. I almost smiled when the image of her glaring at these people and plowing through them and then yelling at me to hurry up. I shook my head and remembered she was the reason; my _lin_ and I pushed my fear aside and strode forward to the woman.

"Excuse me miss." I said once I was near enough for her to hear me and waited for her to turn to me. It took a while and I was tempted to open my mouth again but then thought better of it, I had patience unlike some I know.

"Yes what do you need?" She asked me.

"He's new." The man from before said for me and she looked closer at me. I tugged my cloak closer to me as her eyes studied me.

"Hello I am Shianni. Who told you about us?" she asked and I stilled my hands and stood up straighter.

"Hello Shianni. I was told about this from Siallin, so you know her?" I asked and she smiled.

"Oh yes I do. She told me about you… Kair will show you the way to _hahren _Ember." She said and the man from before turned and I presumed that he was Kair. I followed him to an old man standing over a huge map. He smiled up at me with toothless gums and motioned for me to come closer.

This was going to be a long night.

~O~ ~O~ ~O~

"You sodding drunk! We need to press on!" I yelled and knew my face was flushed red. This insufferable dwarven drunk was getting on my last nerves.

"Have a mug!" he said smiling and his ale breathe killed me to the fade and back "It will help with the waiting."

"We don't need to wait for these people! We. Need. To. Press. On." I spat through clenched teeth. He didn't say anything but continued to drink from his flask. My teeth snapped together and so I turned on my heel stormed away but I knew I would have to come back.

These people would have to come back or else I would kill this sodding idiot.

*R-revas ar lethallin = freedom my brother

*Eth ar falon= it's safe my friend

*Lethallin lethallan sulahn'nehn an eth!"= brothers sisters rejoice in this place of safety!

Sorry the next chapter will be full of Arinka's thoughts choices etc.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter Twenty-two I feel it deep within Just beneath my skin I must confess THAT I FEEL LIKE A MONSTER

"_Sleep away da'len,_" My breath caught when I heard her voice. I picked myself off the frozen ground and started running again with the fog eating my feet.

"_Sleep as darkness falls_," I snapped away the branches frantically hearing their footsteps like a imposing storm.

"_Don't fear da'len,_" Mamae sung as my feet stuck and the branches cut into my skin, the trees were moving trying to stop me. Panic filled my being as I skipped and swung over their branches and like a drum their feet pounded.

"_Let the fen howl caress you,_" My feet stumbled into roots and things. My breath clawed out of my throat and I wanted to cry, pray or something for this nightmare to be over but all I did was run, run and run.

"_Sleep without fear Fen'Harel won't touch you," _She sung as the trees boxed me in and _they_ came surrounding me. My heart pounded even louder and I swore that they could hear it. _He _stepped forth with his sword raised and I stumbled back until I felt one of their cold hands push me and I stumbled forward.

"_Sleep in nature_'s _loving embrace,_" My feet were rooted to the ground as he brought down the sword striking me where I stood. I cried out as white hot pain cut through my body and I was falling.

"_Da'len listen to the stars,_" I held my shoulder in pain as her voice washed over me in a beautiful soprano, almost like a birds coo. I scrabbled backwards as he came forth again with his sword slowly rising and his dark laughter was drowning out any other sounds.

"_And remember this lullaby,_" he was walking slowly and I turned my face away from him and dug my hands into the dirt still trying to get away.

"_Da'len don't fear Mythal watches,_" He raised sword over his shoulder like he was going to use it like stick. My eyes fluttered closed knowing that I could never get away, that I was going to die here by _his_ hands.

"_The sun will rise,_" She sung as he struck me and I cried out. Dark spots where everywhere and all I could see was his _shemlen_ face looming over me laughing and twisting the sword in my chest.

"_Eth hamin da'len._" I screamed again as he took out the sword and plunged it into my body again. I twisted and clawed and screamed wanting the pain to go away, wanting to wake up.

Their laughter filled my ears so that I couldn't hear my screaming. I tried to kick him away but only hurt myself more with it. My vision darkened and I couldn't feel my body anymore.

I bolted up from my bed panting and held my trembling body. I was like that for a few moments before the sounds of Conner's snores and Siallin's soft breathing calmed me down and mixed with the tap tap tapping of the rain.

I sighed softly and pushed my long bangs from my face and held it for a moment. For some insane moment I wanted to know how much

my hair had grown. I sat up straight and let my hair tumble down and grabbed the ends. My bangs were near my hips and my hair was past my waist now. I bit my lip and brought my hand up to touch my baby bangs to find they weren't so baby anymore but where falling down my nose and into my eyes.

I shook my head and turned to look at Conner sleeping peacefully on his side. I watched his peaceful face and wondered how he could sleep so easily- he had done just as much me. I reached over and moved a lock of his red hair away and sighed. He had been coming back so much later at night and I feared that he was going to get caught; they made a curfew for us, we had to be inside our rooms before ten unless you were on of their _toys _or they'd run you through.

Conner could never be one of their toys, ever.

I turned to look at Siallin curled up in a ball. She was so quite as she slept, I have to watch her closely to even see if she was breathing. I slowly got up and had to hold onto the wall to stop myself from falling, the whole world was spinning around me like I was on a boat. I curled up near the wall and held my head in pain. My breath colored the night air as my heart slowly calmed down and I pulled the blanket around me knowing how lucky I was to have it.

That's how I was when they awoke to get ready for training. I sighed getting up and getting dressed in warm clothes. I didn't want to go- I didn't want so much but I tied my hair up tightly knowing I was going to get thrown around by Ziy'ha. I scowled at the ground and touched my side to where she had cut me. I hated her, I hated her for all that she did to me, to think that she could do what ever she wanted and thinking we were nothing- thinking I was nothing. I glanced over to Siallin and felt bad for her.

A few nights ago when Conner came really late and started playing a card game with Siallin. I pretended to sleep but listened to their whispered conversation. After lots of questions from Conner she told him that she was not owned by Milord Malachi but Ziy'ha. her confession just brought more questions to my mind. Why was she bunking with us? How could she be owned by _Ziy'ha_ of all _shemlen_?

With slumped shoulders I walked with Siallin and Conner to get breakfast which was a piece of bread and cold broth. I ate slowly and quietly as Conner said something in Siallin's ear. Siallin laughed softly at whatever he said and replied softly back. I turned my face away with dejection and told myself that it was okay- I could live without his friendship and attention.

I finished my broth in a gulp and got up giving it to one of the other servants with an apology on my face for dirtying a dish. The servant only shook his head and walked away. I walked slowly to go to training like a slug. Once there I shivered and blew on my hands and waited for one of the others to get here.

They came in quickly and Huren handed me my swords. I held them like tightly like they were my saviors. I started sparing with Huren and he went gentle on me on the warm up.

"Come on I can take ya!" I said side stepping easily from his on coming swing.

"Ha little one, if you think you can handle this." he said laughing deeply and picked up the pace swing the sword near my ankles.

"I can!" I said jumping over the sword and swung upwards near his stomach and anticipated his block.

He just chuckled and back stepped from my attack and brought his sword near my stomach and tapped me with the flat side lightly when I didn't move fast enough, he laughed softly and let the sword drop from my stomach.

"You have a ways to go little one." he said laughing and patted my head and messed my hair up. I huffed softly but a smile bloomed on my face and I batted his big hand away.

"Don't worry you'll get there." he said tapping my forehead and sheathed his huge sword onto his back. He turned and walked over to his sister and hugged her from behind. I watched from my spot as she took out her own sword and they started sparring.

"They are quite good, aren't they?" Ziy'ha asked softly watching them like one would watch their food. I felt my stomach drop a little but nodded and continued to watch them with amazement. Even though they were huge beings they moved around with the kind of grace that you see a dragon use; huge, confident and having no hope of beating them.

Without a sound Ziy'ha moved snapping her spear out and I barely dodged the offending weapon. I moved back unsheathing _Sulahn'era _and_Elgar'vhenan_ and blocked her next moved by crossing them.

Ziy'ha spun from the block and started going for the knees and ankles. I blocked swiftly or just jumped over them but the world was spinning around me and for a moment I thought that I was going to throw up but instead I backed away from her spear.

Some part of me knew that she was throwing insults my way but I couldn't pay attention, I held my breath and grabbed her arm. She twisted in my grip but my elbow was already moving into her face. She ducked away quickly and punched me square in the stomach making me double over coughing.

I stumbled away from her and held my stomach. My bangs moved gracefully with the wind as I coughed like there was no tomorrow. I straightened myself from my crouch and cleared my throat.

"Is that all? This is baby's work." I bluffed swinging _Sulahn'era_ near her head and _Elgar'vhenan_ near her feet. She let out a small yell as she dodged _Sulahn'era_ and stepped over _Elgar'vhenan_ and threw her body at me. I stepped back but she was already on me and I was falling and falling.

For a moment I back in my dream ready to be skewered through by a sword and not a spear. My breath left me and I raised my hands to cover my face as she started punching me endlessly.

"Stupid elf! Let's see how pretty you are without this!" she hissed above me and I had no time to stop her as she cut my long bangs. I cried out in fury and started hitting her back. I pushed her off me and grabbed her own hair and pounded her head into the sand with it.

"HOW DARE YOU ,THAT WAS MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE!" I screamed and that rage consumed me. All that ran through my brain was that she just took apart of myself away mentally, physically and in the soul. She took what I had prided myself upon all my life.

Somehow we were up and I was hitting her with blind rage. All I saw was her _shemlen_ face and all my hate rushed monster inside of me was screaming for blood and I craved to sate that need. I didn't feel the pain from her blows or when she finally got her spear in hand, no all I felt was that anger and hate.

_Kill her, kill her, make her bleed for all that she has done. _The monster whispered in my ears and my blood boiled. My body moved to do do what the monster commanded me to do. Some part of me was aware of how suddenly Huren grabbing me from behind and pinning my arms, no all I could see was her standing.

Someone place something to lips and made me drink it. As soon as the liquid poured in my throat it felt like someone took all I had leaving a cold empty space. I couldn't feel anything, no anger, no hate, nothing not even regret. My shoulders slumped and my body was just as limp.

"Haha... I was right, everybody we got a Berserker on our team!" Ziy'ha laughed with delight but all I did was touch my bangs that barely went to my chin. Some distant part of me laughed for my bangs were curling into long ringlets.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter Twenty-Three

** I walk the shadows of death **

** I shall not fear**

** Mythal protects me **

I sat limply and watched as Siallin finished testing Conner. It made my stomach boil to know that all this was a test, to know I had something precious taken from me for a _test_.

My hands once again wondered to my bangs and a deep part of me whispered that if I was better, faster, quicker that, that would never have happened at all. My finger twisted with the dark curl and I could see the contrast. My bright marks were even brighter against my black hair. The wind coldly drifted upon me with a nip of warmth, just a week to go before we'd be shedding clothing and joining the battles.

My eyes drifted past Naska, Hades and Ziy'ha and over to the other side of the training grounds to how Conner kept a reign over himself as Siallin kept relentlessly casting fire at him. His posture was strong but bendable and I knew that he fit _Vir Bor'assan, _bend but never break. My breath caught a moment when he winced when on of her spells broke through his barrier. I still deeply believed that he shouldn't fight; that his soul was too good.

"A Conserver." Siallin announced stepping back while placing her staff onto her back. Some deep part of me yelled for me to get up and run to him to see if he was okay, if he was injured in any way or form. I scowled at that want and held my breath for a moment and then let it out in a sharp gust of air as I watched him touch his shoulder. I lowered my eyes from the sight of the sunset and how it made his hair blaze deep red and his eyes bright.

"Conserver?" I asked quietly and when I was only met with silence I turned to see Huren was gone. I frowned when I realized I had been speaking to myself. My frowned lightened and my eyes turned up again while my finger was twisting in my bangs yet again.

My eyes narrowed as I watched Siallin walk over to Conner and heal him, all was done with bright smile in his direction. Her slight form was elegant and her hair billowed around her like a veil of gold, she looked up to him with such a tender expression that I wished to hit. Anger burned for in that moment I felt as if my best friend was replacing me with a person so much better then I could ever be.

I once again turned my face away from them, from a moment I wish not to witness but the anger just boiled and churned more as I stood up and walked over to where Huren had go to.

"What is next?" I asked and stood up straight but ended up turned my head to upwards to see him correctly.

"Your swords are to be melted down to make one sword." He stated without a sign of joking.

"You cannot do that!" I hissed stepping forward and my heart twisted. They have taken everything away from me; My old life, my family, my freedom, my hair and now my swords.

"I understand how you feel but you will be getting them back in one week." Huren said and it felt like all the fight was sucked out of me.

"Why?" I asked closing my eyes and rubbed my face lightly but still winced when my fingertips touched the brand.

"Berserkers usually use one sword to channel their rage properly. You will soon see the difference." He said lightly and patted me on the head softly.

"...What did she mean when she said Conner was a Conserver?" I asked after a few moments of silence passed.

"The Conserver mage is the one you expect to land the killing blow if they have to because they have not used all their mana. You would go to him when needing healing if Siallin is out of mana." He said looking at them through un-expressive moss green eyes.

"Why?" I asked tilting my head to the side and his gaze side to my own.

"A Berserker need to train with their own." He said flashing a smile and walked away. I watched his huge back retreat for a few moments before I finally decided and set of towards that side of the training grounds, to Conner. My feet were steady and I held my head up as I walked. I felt to big, too loud, too obvious as I walked over the cold sand.

As I stepped over the line of our training grounds I had to urge to throw up and turn back. My breath hitched and it felt like someone was grasping my lungs and heart. This was the mages ground, I knew I was unwanted here. I paused a moment wile rocking slightly on my heels and then with sureness turned around.

"Fajra?" he called out when I was a few feet away from the divide of training grounds.

"Congratulations." I said after I took a sharp breath. I scowled down at the cold sand and how it stuck to my lightly wrapped feet, I could my toes wiggle at the cold air. Was this all I had to say? Was this all I could say?

"Thank you..." Conner said and I hated how he trailed off leaving some kind of possibility ready to choke me. I narrowed my eyes more and took a step away blinking the sudden wetness in my eyes. Many things crossed my mind as my feet took steps forward. That he was going to be happier if I never came here again, that he was better off being friends with the sweet minded and fragile looking Siallin with golden hair. If I stayed his friend bad luck and things would become of it, just like with Ashalle taking me in. Look at how it ended; her death. My breath came out a soft strangled sound as I drowned in these thoughts. I had to remind myself to keep walking away.

Soft hands grasped my elbow making my eyes snap up to the clear bright blue-green one. The air whooshed out of me as he jerked my elbow and found myself wrapped in his warmth. I greedily wanted to hold onto his warmth for I was always so cold but I held myself tight.

"What are you going?" The words came out a strangled sound, just like my breath moments ago. I closed my eyes tight and dug my nails into my palms.

"Hugging you, duh." he breathed near my ear and as soon as he embraced me his warmth was gone. I shook my head quickly and kept my eyes from his and turned walking away with still blurry eyes. I felt a pang go through me as I walked away and I told myself I was stupid. The air was colder to me for I had felt real warmth again and the night grew darker and darker to hide me from sight.

Later that night after I had ate my dinner of broth and meat I fled to the clearing. I knew it was before ten so I was fine. I settled down at the edge of the river and unwrapped my feet and let them make circles in the water. I feeling of calmness washed over me and I felt like a loved _da'len_. I could have stayed like that the whole night if I could.

**"****_A_****ll will be fine, emma'asha. Just believe in yourself, hold on tight**_._**"** The soprano voice whispered into my ears and my eyes widened, I knew that voice. It belonged to _mamae_.

I blinked quickly wondering if I really heard that or if I was going crazy. I looked up and turned when I heard slowly lazy footsteps walking into the clearing. I smiled up as my eye met red and blue and watched him sit beside me.

"Berserkers are good in times of war." He said breaking the silence. I raised an eyebrow at him as I watched that strange expression he sometimes got when he looked at me, it for some reason made my skin crawl with fear but I never wavered under it.

"How so?" I asked leaning back to look at the constellations and the waning moon.

"They are a big force used on the front line, they are a very important asset. They are like one huge malt coming down on the enemy." He said and his smile grew as his hands reached for mine. The sudden want of not wanting his skin on mine made me move back.

"I have no desire of contact today." I said moving more away form his oncoming hands and mouth.

"Why?" He asked lazily from his spot a few inches from myself.

"Because I don't." I snapped glaring at him.

"Is it because of a little hug that you got today?" He asked and I scoffed.

"No! I am just not in the mood for affections today!" I snapped again and quickly shifted in my place as his eyes burned into my flesh.

"Good, I wouldn't want you desiring any other," He purred and caught my face in his hands and his lips moved closer brushing my own." And you won't deny my touch again." He said and moved away, the proximity was quickly closed by his hand. Pain bloomed on my face as I fell to the dirt from the impact.

"Now look at what you did." He said with a sigh and pulled me up by my shoulders so I had to look at him. My face hurt almost as much as when I had gotten the brand.

"Now apologize." he commanded and I nodded my head and tried to look anywhere else.

"I apologize." I said with defeat, I knew when I was beaten.

"Good." He purred and kissed my forehead like you would to a _da'len_. He got up and walked away like it was nothing leaving me on the ground. I stayed still for a few moments making sure he was gone and then crawled over to the river and cupped the freezing water to my swelling face. I held back tears as I got up and slowly walked to my living space. I didn't want to see their face, their pity when they see what happened but I walked anyway.

I am going to survive anyway I can.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter twenty-four

** With eyes of tears  
Your blank eyes haunt me  
Just hear me  
I am here**

P.o.v:

Conner The energy from the meeting pounded through my blood and I felt like I could do anything. Siallin shook her head at me softly, a small laugh contained in her throat. My grin widened and I crouched down as Siallin made the signal and the guard on our side made a distraction. My grin was so wide I thought my face would crack as we opened the door to our room and snuck in. The room was dark and cold with a tinge of mold and I could hardly see where I was going. I was tempted to light up a candle but then thought better of it. I cursed softly as my knee smacked into my bed and I let my body fall onto it with a sigh.

Two seconds later I was asleep dreaming of family. I could have stayed asleep forever if I could. I dreamt of my mother singing and cleaning, her two favorite things to do. I couldn't understand the words she was singing but it mattered not. The slamming of a door jousted me awake and I sat up trying to see what happened. Siallin was sound asleep curled into a ball and Farja was gone, I frowned and got out of my covers and peaked outside.

Only the guards were standing about looking bored.

"What time is it?" I asked a guard and he scowled while the other spit, I wrinkled up my nose with disgust as it fell down onto the ground.

"Well?" I prompted.

"We don't answer to knife ears, now scat!" The one on the right said while rolling his eyes. I scowled and shut the door softly walking down the long, ratty corridor. If she wasn't dead at the door then it meant it was almost dawn, unless... I shook my not wanting to assume that. But once my mind started it pulled things from everywhere. If she sucked face with that monster, what else has she given?

I scowled more as my lungs contracted at the thought and I had to remind myself that I was going to get out of here with her, even if I have to drag her out by her hair- but I don't think she would fight getting out that much.

"Enough!" I muttered softly and ran a hand through my hair; she has plagued my mind long enough. My feet slapped the floor with my building anger and lightning tickled the tips of my fingers, so much for a good morning with Siallin. I shouldn't have walked out of the room searching for her. I had no idea where I was going but I didn't care. My anger just built and built for nothing, I knew I shouldn't be so angry at her, at myself. Why was I so angry? I let out a sigh as lightning swarmed around me.

"Dispell that." A guard commanded and I was tempted to just light 'im up, but instead I was just a good little elf and let them fade away, which was a lot harder then thought. I started up walking again breathing slowly. I exhaled loudly through my nose and started peeling away all the things surrounding my anger but ended up more angry for having to even find out why I was so. I let it drop and found myself facing Illin.

Her face was flushed and her dirty blonde hair was in a disarray. Her fern green eyes were shooting sparks and her hands were bundled up in her maid outfit. Her small hand flashed out and grabbed a hold of my wrist and started pulling me.

"What's wrong? What's going on? Are you okay?" I asked quickly and was only pulled harder.

"You have to help!" She said in a panicked gasp and let go of me running. I followed her at a neck breaking pace trying to keep up with her. We crossed into a part I didn't know and ran passed the twist and turns. What met my eyes nearly made me want to panic.

Eli was standing to the right with tears running down her face and her dress ripped. A grunt made me look to the middle to and my stomach drop with anger as a guard kicked a small figure.

"Stupid knife ear, I was always take what I want!" The guard growled and kicked the figure in the side and the person let out a groan of pain as the kick sent the figure flying into the wall. Rage filled me and my hands filled with raw energy, my magic was un-focused as it tumbled from my hands towards the guard.

The guard let out a cry as it connected with his body and he slumped over. I wiped my brow quickly of the beaded sweat and jogged towards the fallen person who Illin and Eli were surrounding. The person let out a groan as Illin moved the person so the person was laying on its back. My breath caught as the familiar golden green markings were hit by the moonlight. I knelt down and brushed her bangs away and my breath hissed out of my teeth. Her eye was black and blue and that whole side of her face was swollen. I analyzed it quickly and decided that it didn't happen during the fight. Red finger prints were on her shoulders and forearms. My hands reached over to her stomach and pressed lightly to feel for broken bones, my fingers met none.

"Get some water." I commanded as Eli brushed her hair with her fingers, all while tears were flowing down her face.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. Please be okay." She cried as her body shook.

"What happened?" I asked as my magic flowed through her body to fix anything that was hurt. Her face relaxed but she didn't move or open her eyes. "S-She was visiting me. She came in to check on me b-because she knew I was afraid of storms, and you knew there was a horrid one last night." I blinked in surprise, it seemed I could sleep through everything. "She had sweet bread in her hands and a smile on her face, it was already black and blue. She split the bread with me and told me to wait a moment- she said she had something else for me and walked away, t-t-then h-he came, he grabbed me pulling on my dress. She charged at him but something seemed wrong with her, she seemed weaker-"

"What do you mean weaker?" I cut her off as my magic focused on her head.

"She didn't seem to have that much strength, so that's how he so easily hit her over her head. She fell and then he started kicking her, then you came." She hiccuped and bent closer to Farja's face. I grunted softly as I listened and moved away from her head, nothing seemed wrong in that area.

"Here." Illin said softly handing me the water I asked for. I took it and placed it to her lips trying to get her to drink, the only good it did was make her choke. I sighed and dumped the water on her, she didn't even stir.

"Maybe we should take her to Mama Zia-Zia?" Eli asked wiping away the water.

"Who's this Mama Zia-Zia?" I asked sharply.

"She's the best healer you'll ever see." Illin said kneeling next to me. "Okay, lead me." I said picking her up easily. As I followed them I turned to look at her and had the sudden want to laugh, she had a bread crumb on the side of her mouth. Instead I wiped it away wondering how she got the sweet bread, if I asked for something they would give me weird looks and then ignore me. We walked towards this small hut that was built into the wall. It leaned dangerously to the left and I was tempted to just walk away. Instead I walked inside and immediately this herb-y scent hit my nose, it almost smelled like rosemary and basil.

"Mama Zia-Zia!" Eli called out and this really short darker skinned elf came from the kitchen. She was a little bit on the plump side, and she had a really kind face- a kind grandmothers face.

"What happened?" She asked with an accent and motioned to the bed on the far left wall. I placed her on it carefully.

"A guard." Illin hissed with hate as Mama Zia-Zia came over checking over her.

"A guard? Neh, only half iz guard." Mama Zia-Zia said walking over to her kitchen and a big racket came from it. I started to walk towards the kitchen but Eli grabbed my arm and shook her head.

"No one bothers her as Mama Zia-Zia makes her miracles ." She said letting go of me and sat next to Farja. "What do you mean only half was the guard?" I asked once she walked back into the room with a pot of water with herbs swimming in the still boiling water and a rag on the side and she also had a bottle of something in her other hand.

"Poison iz runnin' in_ el asha's_ blood." She said placing the now wet rag on her forehead and taking out a spoon measuring the liquid.

"I would have known if she was poisoned!" I said as guilt hit me.

"Then ye are blind, itz there hittin' her hard." Mama Zia-Zia said with a knowing look in her golden eyes. I shook my head and watched her pour some of that weird thick liquid down her throat.

"Ye will give her diz amount when she is from bed rest." She said starting to walk towards the kitchen again.

"How long until she wakes?" I asked following.

"One to two weeks dependin' on da amount." Mama Zia-Zia said stopping.

"That can't be! We have an up coming battle in one week." I growled stepping forward.

"Iz dat all ye care about? A battle?" She asked, her voice wasn't mean or cold just inquisitive.

"No..."I said as Eli gave me a weird look.

"You did something didn't you?" She accused kneeling beside her.

"No!" I said quickly as my fingers pulled on my shirt lightly.

"You lie! Something happened, tell me!" She said glaring at me.

"Nothing happened!" I growled as lightning flicked over my fingers.

"Then this wouldn't have happened! Where were you when this happened?!" She said pulling away from Farja.

"...just keep your mouth shut." I said softly without heat.

"What happened?" She repeated.

"Drop it, now!" I spat and walked towards the door, would this have still happened if I was there? I closed my eyes against the dawn with a dark hole eating me

**A/n: I hate copy & paste **


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter Twenty Five

**Sometimes I just gotta**

** I just gotta cry**

** curse and sob**

Smoke hit my nose and it made me want to puke. I let out a groan as I stretched with my eyes close, my hand skimmed something freezing and a bird coo-ed from somewhere. I opened one eye slowly, some part of my brain was telling me that there couldn't be any birds yet, it was still the thawing of winter.

My fingers were touching water, it was the bluest I have ever seen. I sat up and opened my other eye and looked around with wide eyes; this was the same place I saw the red haired lady who smelled of huckleberries. I stood up on wobbly legs and held my hands out like a simpleton to make sure I didn't fall.

I moved my legs slowly waiting for the pins and needles to go away and then stretched my body up to the sky and then looked to the water. I blinked slowly as I took in my reflection. I was wearing that one outfit I found myself in when I was tested by Fin. The gold was bright in the soft light and the headband was now holding back short bangs instead and the birds feathers were longer and even whiter then I remembered. I flicked the water when I saw my swollen face and scowled standing up.

"Stop sending me here!" I cried out to the air and started walking to the west, I needed to do something instead wondering when I fell asleep to go into the Beyond. I held my body tight as I expected _him _to come out at any moment and make me wake in fear. My one hand went to where he had stabbed me the last time I had a nightmare, it was resting on the soft flesh of my chest.

I walked with silent but somewhat clumsy feet. My body felt weak and my fingers went to my necklace which was smooth and cold against my feverish skin. Soon with horror I had to rest against a tree for my legs were shaking. I slipped down its great trunk and placed my forehead on my knees.

I breathed slowly counting my breathes when _he_ started laughing in the distance. I shot to my feet and my body moved quickly as it could. My legs were shaking as I ran and my heart was pounding loudly in my ears, I swore everyone could hear it. My breathing and heart drowned out every other sound so I didn't not hear his foot steps so close.

"Hello my beautiful monster." He purred and his voice started changing into Malachi's voice. Panic filled my being as he laughed and grabbed my wrists tightly and my eyes met fire and water. I yanked hard away from his grip as my heart filled my throat painfully, he just tightened his grip and an evil grin tugged at his mouth.

"No! Get away from me!" I cried out and pulled and tugged as I felt his grip bruise me. Soon I was panting and my legs gave out on me.

"Shh, it's alright my pretty monster." He said and pushed me onto the ground. He stood still and had that sick smile as I got up and didn't stop me as I ran. I ran and ran and ran with for some reason more fear. Betrayal cupped my heart as I cursed him in my mind, I wished that I was never tricked into believing he was a good person or that he wouldn't try and hurt me.

"You can't get away Fajra, your mine now and ever!" He said laughing darkly and took looping steps and I cursed my short legs. I was pushed onto the ground and he pinned me. Fear beat in my heart as I looked up to his distance face and his hands dug onto my wrist, the only sound was my quick breath and his soft hot exhale. I wriggled and twisted under his grip as panic started to set in.

"GET OFF ME!" I screamed as tears fell from my eyes and streamed down my face in hot waves and my breath was quicken with more panic.

"Shhh, its no use." He whispered leaning near my face and kissed my jaw lightly, his hot moist breath fanned across my face and my skin crawled . I screamed more as his mouth trailed my body.

"Help, please. Creators please help your child." I sobbed softly as my body went limp, I could never ever get out of a hold like this. A war cry came from above and suddenly his weight was gone for my body and I was being pulled by small hands like my own. I could make out red hair from my tears and this person told me to work my legs. Some part of me started up my legs and someone else, the one who gave the war cry muttered something and suddenly the ground was gone.

I yelled in panic and the person put his hand over my mouth, I sobbed into the hand and soon I didn't have the energy to sob and then I had no tears left. I looked up to the trees blankly as a heavy feeling pulled me and the world looked dull as my stomach rolled. Someone said something and I was being put down. I blinked slowly at the face above me and I slowly close my eyes and opened them, it seemed to take so much energy to do such a simple thing.

The one person with red hair moved forward and touched my forehead and said another thing bluntly. The other person at the edge of my vision nodded and I was taken from the ground again, but this time I only closed my eyes as lights swam under my lids as I was pulled deeper into the Beyond.


End file.
